616: Paranormal Incident (2013)

616 is the number of the beast in some early versions of Revelation. A prison that housed 616 inmates is being investigated by the FBI. They viewed another found footage film, the beginning of a porno tape being filmed at said abandoned prison. The FBI opts to go in at night. Each agent has a camera mounted on their glasses. In addition there are still cameras.The agents divide up to set up cameras. The demons confront them one at a time with each agent facing their own personal demon.This feature has more eye candy than most found footage film, hence my three perverted stars. The rest of the film left much to be desired. There was no introduction of characters for us to identify with them or to learn about what personal demon they might have.Remember that an uninterrupted line of salt can stop a demon or a slug.The women are the only real reason to watch it, and only if its free.Parental Guide: F-bomb, sex, nudity (Playmate Kylie Johnson Feb. 2011, Halszka Kuza, Maura Murphy, Zana Salobir)

This is one of the most boring ghost movies I've ever seen. The strange thing is that it's set up like some sort of action movie with an FBI team invading a derelict prison for what seems to be a forensic investigation but in fact turns into a paranormal investigation. Right from the start, the movie has lost all credibility, and with that gone, the chances for a decent ghost story are practically out the window. In fact, the movie doesn't even start with ghosts but with a porn scene, right off the start insulting its core audience. The FBI team investigating the location describe vague events of a major riot in the prison and end up discovering a female vagrant living on the site, the woman from the first scene, and with no reason whatsoever, they lock her up in a cell until they figure out what to do with her. From here, the movie has no conscionable plot; it seems as if it's being made up as its going along by three to four directors each making their own movie. The agents report unseen haunting activity and start getting picked off by experiencing terrible visions of death or aspects of their greatest wishes turned against them that take them far beyond the prison. One African-American guard, for example, is spirited far beyond the prison to the 1960s South where he's murdered by the Ku Klux Klan. Another is butchered by the willowy ladies he thinks were going to seduce him. This is probably the only interesting aspect of the movie which also treads through one female agent getting possessed, a reported cycle of disasters that occur the same years apart and a presence that reportedly alters the perceptions of reality in the agents. This is one of the most incoherent, poorly executed so- called horror movies I've ever seen. The acting is tedious, the plot confusing, the profanity endless and the ending poorly conceived. The setting was filmed in the former Linda Vista Community Hospital in Los Angeles, and despite supposedly being abandoned, parts of it look like an empty doctor's office while others look like an empty parking garage. Bottom line: this is not a movie. This is more like the first draft of a movie before recasting, re-scripting and adding the special effects. The majority of this movie is just plain awful; more evidence that some people just should not be actors or directors.

I really have nothing against softcore porn. If that's your thing then go for it, but attempting to pass it off as a low budget horror film makes one wonder what Redbox will have in store for the public in the future. This isn't a movie, it's a softcore porn production. Every actor and actress in this honestly looks like they came directly from Seduction Cinema. There is no story. The image and audio presentation of the live footage is quite possibly the worst I have ever seen or heard. My smart phone videos look like IMAX compared to this film. I guess the director (if that's what his job title is) thinks that the blurrier the picture or audio is the creepier the movie will be. The live footage scenes are captured by glasses that have swap meet quality cameras on them. The shock sequences (the ones that are not blurry) involve sex and running up to the camera to show the viewer their pale colored contact lenses.Since this is just fluffy porn then I'll rate it as such..…the girls are hot. The hottest is the one locked up in the cell with the pretty legs. Second best would be the one watching her outside the cell.Pure trash (which is a compliment if you're in the mood for sleaze).

What can I say that probably already hasn't been said of "found footage" movies. Some can carry it off, at least enough so you stay focused on what you are watching and can view it to the very end. Others? Not so much. I watched 616 Paranormal Incident in the hope that the trailer I saw gave me some indication of what to expect. I was deceived. The flow and premise of the story makes it unbelievable from the start. The characters and the roles they play are neither believable nor are they interesting enough to compel you to really "get into" this movie. It's almost as if every moment designed to make you jump and gasp in fright is like every other you've seen with movies of this genre and after a while you are left with a feeling of "been there, done that, not impressed". The location to me looked very much like the notorious Linda Vista Hospital in L.A., a notoriously active paranormal location that is soon to become apartments. To me, that would have made a better story for a movie than this did. I mean imagine it, creepy hospital shut down over charges of mistreatment of patients and with a long list of potential candidates for haunting it gets bought by a developer with designs on turning that facility into an apartment complex. That my friends is fodder for a real scary movie! Some may fault the actors in this film for not delivering the movie as it was intended. It isn't their fault, you can only do so much with what you have and even the best actor in the realm of television or big screen could not have carried off this movie and saved it from its obvious lack of substance, story line or anything else that makes for a movie experience the audience can comprehend and enjoy. Don't shoot the messengers for this mishap, the actors did fine given what they had to work with. I thought that the makeup was somewhat well done. It was in line with what I have come to expect from these types of films but it was also done well enough that I didn't find myself rolling on the floor laughing at the attempt. This movie, for me, was a one and done. If you have nothing else to watch, it is an option for you but only if you have nothing else to watch.