Creep Van (2012)

Know what I hate about a lot of modern horror films? The fact that so many have good, juicy death scenes... surrounded by acres and acres of pure undiluted s**t. I think you know where I'm going with this. The titular van has windows that'll decapitate you, seatbelts designed to suffocate and a button on the radio that will send a spike right through your heart. Great.Until you realise... you have to tolerate unfunny sex jokes, repellent characters, hokey dialogue and BBAADD acting for 95% of the length. No thanks. Also, with all the VHS tapes in the background, and no sign of a laptop anywhere, could this unaccountably be set in the 90's? If so, I give them apropos. Of Nothing.Ugh. Stupid film. Go away. 4/10

I read some of the other reviews and was kind of surprised by the hate. The movie was actually very well made, quality-wise. The gore was very convincing, almost like actual humans were used. Very graphic. Almost "lose your dinner" graphic. The film didn't have to rely on shaky quick takes to cover any cheapness during the graphic scenes. I mean, in one scene, this guys face got cut off and the film gave you multiple long views of the gore. Lovely... It had a lot of tongue-in-cheek comedy also. One character died very graphically and just before death he looked at his killer and said something like, "Oh, wow, man" or something of that nature. I really recommend this movie. I found mine at the WalMart in the $5 bin. Well worth it. I know I'll watch it more than once.

Campbell Jackson (Brian Kolodziej) is a 20-something, unemployed misfit in Detroit. Forced to take a dead-end position at a local car wash, Campbell sees a dilapidated 1970s van for sale... but this is no ordinary van -- it is the creep van! We start the film with a character remarking that "only bad people own vans". I love that, as I think it is a widely-held sentiment. The featured van here, a Ford Econoline, is popularly known as a "rape van" (or "creep van" in this case). I am glad someone took the idea and ran with it.Well played to Robert Hall on effects. Almost Human does some great work, and this film is no exception. At one point, we see a person who has lost their face. This is an excellent example of top-notch gore from these guys.In cameos we have Angelina Armani (Hall's girlfriend) and Troma legend Lloyd Kaufman. That was a nice touch. The film as a whole has a nice, light-hearted approach to horror that I appreciate, and there is one scene that takes what could have been gratuitous sex and makes it actually entertaining in a non-sexual way.Great horror film? Maybe not. But they knew what they wanted to do, did not try to go beyond their means, and pulled it off. I would take more films like "Creep Van" over the majority of the horror out there any day.

Some loser living in Detroit without a car finds a job washing and detailing cars. The cashier girl develops an interest in him. His boss likes him, but his co-workers don't. Apparently he rents a room in a house of some sexually adventurous people. Eventually he decides to buy the cheapest car he can find. Nearby parked is an old van. He calls the owner but gets no response. Then the owner starts calling him and harassing him. We've seen this van before. It and its owner have killed a bunch of random people gruesomely. The van is rigged with all sorts of devices to brutally kill people. It's like a moving Saw trap.Our loser runs into a strange customer. It's Swami Ted who forgets a bag full of marijuana at the car wash, which is quickly picked up by the other employees. Ted blames the loser and threatens him if he doesn't return the drugs, when suddenly the van appears and nearly runs over Ted, if the loser hadn't saved him. Now Ted is grateful and offers to help him whenever necessary.Eventually the creep in the van grabs the girl and the loser and Ted will have to confront the creep.Creep Van is an endearing C-level horror movie. Acting isn't all that great, the loser character is likable enough though. It was filmed in Detroit and has the independent East-coast film feel. The characters are human and actually talk to each other, unlike your big budget Hollywood productions. There's plenty of gore and it's first rate quality gore. No cheap CGI blood here. There's some nudity, too. Overall the story works, even though we learn nothing about the creep. The ending is surprising and good. But there's not a whole lot of sense of dread and it's not quite what you would expect from a movie called Creep Van. There should have been more pretty innocent victims killed the the van/creep. In a way the movie focuses too much on the loser and not enough on the bad guy.