Blood Ranch (2006)

Don't waste your time on this filth. I read the reviews and thought cool I'll watch it, give me back 20 minutes of my life as that all it took before I turned it off feeling nauseated. The actors had to have earnt $5 each for this utter crapocity. Looked like it was made in the 70's. Has to be the worst movie Michael Madsen has ever starred in & that's saying something Madsen fans. I'm sure the reviewers were part of the atrocious desperate cast. The gore was just laughable, the acting - my gosh - don't even go there, the background, stupid costumes, stupid inbreed freaks that were in this movie were not scary, not funny, just NOT!

I have to rate this horror movie a big fat 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like we were roaming around Hollywood video and couldn't agree on watching anything. Then my sister says lets get something freaky- scary, and I said okay, but it has to be REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY scary!!!!!!! And you cant tell mom and dad, who was on a date. Like, all we could tell was that this big guy on the cover was really mean and evil looking right. So we get home get into our jams, and micro some pcorn. We stick the DVD in the player and from the get go were seeing places we used to go camping with my mom and dad and brother, (before he went off to Iraq to get rid of terrorists), and were seeing the high dessert where we used go horseback riding. It's a beautiful place even though they made it look so scary and alone. so we watched it and we loved it. a couple of the boys were cute. 10, 10, 10, 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blood Ranch starts as four friends, Jason (Dayton Knoll) his sister Jen (Season Hamilton) along with lovers Mark (Mike Faiola) & Val (Madeleine Lindley) on their way to a festival stop off to pick up a hitchhiker, an English guy named Alex (Daniel O'Meara). As they speed down the isolated desert highway they almost run-over a girl named Megan (Shalena Hughes) who is in a terrible state, then they are harassed & run off the road by a black A-Team type van, Jen, Mark, Val & Alex all head off into the distance in search of the nearest town while Mark stays behind with the car & Megan. The four travelling teens quickly stumble into heaps of trouble though as they seek help in at a ranch called 'The Web' owned by a psycho named Spider (Jim Fitzpatrick) who along with his disciples torture, rape, kill & eat anyone unfortunate enough to run into them...Produced & directed by Corbin Timbrook I have to admit that Blood Ranch wasn't quite as bad as I had originally feared it would be but even then I would be very hard pressed to describe Blood Ranch as a good film or indeed anywhere near approaching a good film. The script by Antonio Hernandez is a sort of uneven horror comedy that to my eyes is a The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) wannabe. The basic set-up is alright if unoriginal, a group of teens travelling across America become victims of some gang of killer psychos who decorate their house with body parts as well as hang people up & torture them with chainsaws. For the majority of it's running time Blood Ranch is an unremarkable cheap low budget horror teen slasher that isn't the worst of it's kind but nowhere near the best either, then towards the end there's a very unnecessary rape sequence in which a filthy dirty old man rapes a young woman which I suppose is OK since Blood Ranch is an exploitation film but on a personal level if it's one thing that I find distasteful & have a hard time enjoying it's rape. I'm no prude & I certainly ain't that bothered by the scene but I just don't like the idea of a young woman being tied up then brutally raped for no reason, maybe I'm a hypocrite because I did enjoy seeing the other woman tied up & having her arm cut off with a chainsaw but I just have a hard time gaining any pleasure from seeing someone raped. The film moves along at a reasonable pace & it's watchable enough on a low budget teen slasher level, but that isn't saying much is it? The character's are pretty poor as well, there seems to loads of bad guy's running around on the ranch & a whole bunch of caged female victims but we never get to know any of them or what happens to most of them either & have little purpose in the film.Director Timbrook does alright, the film looks competent & he at least keeps his camera steady so you can actually see what's going on. The gore levels are very disappointing here, there's a bit of blood splatter, there's a cut off arm, a decapitated head & nothing else worth mentioning. In fact more than half of the group of six teens survive! I always thought the reason behind having lots of annoying teen character's in slasher flicks is so you can kill them off, right? I guess Timbrook didn't realise that. The comedy elements are also very hit & miss, to start off with the film is very serious & then towards the end introduces various silly bits like someone playing darts using another mans bare back as a dartboard, almost nude killers running around in just their underwear, a midget woman & a whole cage of captive teen girls again in just their underwear.Technically the film is alright, it's reasonably well made considering it's a low budget straight-to-DVD shot on a camcorder type horror film. The acting varies, some do OK while other's are terrible with Daniel O'Meara's English accent truly awful although most of the girls in it are nice & easy on the eye.Blood Ranch is better than I expected it was going to be, then again considering I thought it was going to be one of the worst films ever that's not saying much. I'd say slightly below average although if your absolutely desperate it might pass 90 odd minutes without sending you to sleep.

**** Possible Spoiler Within ****I had a tough time voting on this one. I mean it had obvious elements from "House of 1000 Corpses", "Wolf Creek", and "The Hills Have Eyes". It was these parts that contained the real horror elements that were done well, and for those who appreciate these movies, well I'm sure you'll get yer kicks here too.The psychotic lack of empathy and the feeble attempt at a 'Charles Manson' type of philosophy are present here, as is the degrading circus freak show and the sickening gore fest. All this stuff doesn't really phase me anymore, but the rape scene was just totally unnecessary. I had to doc marks for that. Every time I watch these things I have to wonder if I've lost something of worth within my own self.The acting is horrible, I'll leave it at that. If you want to watch something that's far more gripping and has much more substance. I would suggest 'Oz' or 'Panic Room'.