Don't Open Till Christmas (1984)

This movie could have been better but overall it was decent if you can overlook some bad acting along with some goofs and plot holes. The special effects were good plus there was some nudity and the location filming in London was a nice touch which is why I gave it 7 stars. If you like 1980s slasher movies you will probably want to see this movie.

A guy in a Santa suit has sex with a woman in a filthy alley before they're both killed by a man in a grinning see-through mask. Another Santa ha shis head impaled by a spear while his daughter watches. And yet another has his face grilled while roasted chestnuts on an open fire.Scotland Yard inspector Ian Harris (Edmund Purdom, who wrote and directed this film as well as appearing in 2019: After the Fall of New York and Pieces) and detective Powell are perplexed. Plus, Harris just got a gift that says "Don't Open Till Christmas." They question Kate, whose father was a killed Santa, and her boyfriend, Cliff.The next day, Cliff tricks Kate into coming to a porn studio. She storms off and he takes photos of a model dressed as Santa. A pair of police officers spot them shooting nudes in public, so he runs and the killer finds her, but lets her go. Oh yeah - and there's a reporter named Giles digging around, too.Things get worse. A strip club attending Santa gets knifed. The police think Cliff is the killer and the paper Giles says he works for has no idea who he is. And another Santa runs into the London Dungeon (yes, the place The Misfits sang about) and gets killed.Even after undercover officers go after the Santa killer, they can't find him and are killed themselves. The killer has a stripper who was there on the night he killed the Santa in her club and says that she will be the supreme sacrifice to Christmas evil. And Caroline Munro (!) is on stage in a nightclub when a Santa is chased on stage and stabbed in the face with a machete. Another Santa is castrated soon after.It turns out that inspector Harris has no birth certificate and has gone on leave, disappearing to a mental asylum where Kate follows.It turns out that Giles is Harris' insane brother. Kate finds out first, bit she is strangled and stabbed while detective Powell listens. Then, Giles lures him to his doom, as he electrocutes him in a junkyard.Sherry escapes and Giles chases after her. She knocks him over a railing and he has a flashback of when he went insane: he caught his father, dressed as Santa, having sex with another woman. When his mother found out, Santa shoved her over a railing. But it's too late for Sherry, as Giles has survived.Finally, Harris wakes from a bad dream and unwraps his gift, complete with a card from his loving brother. It explodes, killing him and ending the film.What I have just done is written about this film in a way that will probably make you want to watch it. It's a slasher that even references Halloween in its opening credits. But it's no Halloween.According to tvtropes.com, "this utter sleazefest of a film is quite a jumbled and confused mess, and for good reason. While production began in 1982, the film remained in Development Hell for two years, due to the title of director continually changing hands; first up was Edmund Purdom (who also portrayed Inspector Harris) who walked off the set, prompting at least three or four others to fill in for him, with one only holding Purdom's former position for a mere two days before being fired."Whew. You got better things to do this Christmas. Trust me.

A very British entry into the 1980's slasher cannon. It feels as if the EastEnders writers thought that they'd give jumping on the slasher bandwagon a go, but lacking any real insight into the genre they get it a bit wrong at most turns!Lacking the perkiness of most of its American cousins and the style of the Italian gialli, the film is nevertheless more aligned to the giallo in terms of structure and plot, police procedural action and a whodunit angle with numerous characters.It gets pluses for the mask, a variety of amusing kills, the London Dungeon scene and the sheer curiosity factor given that UK slashers of this era are relatively rare. There is a bargain basement TV actors look and feel throughout, like a fairly straight BBC version of a slasher film. London looks suitably gross, seedy and grotty. A few off the wall moments keep it fairly enjoyable and worth a look for fans of sleazy, cult, obscure trash.

There are some very slight spoilers in this review, but nothing that could diminish your enjoyment of this terrible, inept movie.This movie belongs on anyone's list of favorite bad movies. The plot is beyond stupid, the acting is bad, the directing is incompetent even at the best of times, and the editing is even worse! As if all those things weren't bad enough, important scenes have been cut, but they're still referred to by the characters, leaving us confused and annoyed.The basic plot revolves around a psycho-killer who has a grudge against Santa Claus. He's killing every Santa that he sees, and there are no real clues, except for some mostly useless witnesses who talk about him having crazy eyes. Well, that's not much help. One of the more odd aspects of this movie is the fact that there really aren't any protagonists in the strictest sense. Instead, a stream of random characters are introduced, only to be forgotten, ignored, or abruptly killed off. As a form of experimental filmmaking, this could actually have been quite interesting. Unfortunately, I think this was the result of incompetence, rather than any desire to be artistic.Interestingly, the climax occurs between what was formerly a minor character and the psycho-killer. I'll give them credit for that; I doubt anyone was expecting that, but, given the lack of any true protagonists, it was pretty much inevitable. Regardless, it's a rather long and drawn-out affair, where the newly christened heroine fights off the antagonist, only to end so abruptly that you might be a bit taken aback. In a good movie, this can actually work. However, this is not a good movie. It's just yet another "wtf moment" in a movie chock full of them.Everything in this movie is bad. There are no redeeming qualities. However, it's so cheesy that sometimes you can't help but enjoy it, nonetheless. The music was just as bad as everything else, but it still brought back a bit of nostalgia for the synth-heavy days of the 1980s. All in all, I'd classify this as a laughably bad attempt at trying to rip off Dario Argento. I recommend it for Dario Argento fans (so that they can howl with laughter), bad movie fans, and people who are desperate for Christmas-themed horror movies. Be aware that there's lots of nudity and gore, though the gore is some of the most laughable that I've ever seen. It probably couldn't gross out a child.