The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! (1972)

In continuing to review werewolf movies in chronological order, I'm now at 1972 and this: a movie written, photographed, directed, and featured in two roles by one Andy Milligan. There are both rats and werewolves, all right, but it's mostly a dysfunctional family drama between siblings and the elderly father in charge of them all. Like I said, Milligan plays two roles: one who sells rats to one sister Monica, and another who sells a gun to other sister Diana. Dialogue is mostly exposition that one wouldn't keep saying in real life and it's constantly said quickly most of the time except for those two scenes involving Milligan. He's not a good director or writer but I'll say this about him-I was never bored, that's for sure! So on that note, give The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! a chance if you're curious enough...

Andy Milligan's unforgettably titled The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! is listed in my trusty The Official Splatter Movie Guide by John McCarty, although its inclusion puzzles me, for it features next to no gore. What it does have are interminable scenes of terrible dialogue, dreadful acting, poor sound quality and the general level of technical ineptitude that I have come to expect from exploitation legend Milligan.The godawful story sees a young married couple arrive in England to visit wife Diana's family, the Mooney's, who harbour a dreadful secret: they are all werewolves. Even with the worst of films, I try to find some sort of positive, but this one has me beaten: I can't find anything good to say about it. Not one thing. In fact, so excruciatingly amateurish and incredibly dull is this film that, even if it had buckets of bargain basement blood and guts, I can't see it being much easier to bear.I rate The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! a pitiful 1/10, although I wish I could give the film 0/10 for including a repulsive scene of unnecessary animal cruelty, the stabbing and nailing of a live mouse.

I'm not going to try to pretend that this (or any other Andy Milligan movie I've seen) is actually a good movie, but I can't help feeling there's a good movie buried somewhere in this mess, trying to fight its way out. The dialogue, while soap operatic, is reasonably intelligent, with none of the overt howlers that make (for example) Ed Wood's movies so laughably amusing. Some of the performances are pretty good. The principle locations are quite good. And there are moments of (twisted) imagination. But countering these assets are debits too numerous to mention. The technical standards are pathetic. Even granting that is was shot in 16mm reversal nearly forty years ago the picture is grungy and badly lit. The sound is so bad that you frequently can't understand what the characters are saying. The costumes were apparently whatever Milligan could get his hands on. The editing is poor, the make-up is poor, and (perhaps most unforgivable of all) for a horror movie the shock scenes are very badly handled. I'm glad I satisfied my curiosity by checking this movie out, but I don't think I could sit through it again.And if that really was a live rat being nailed to a board, then that's the part that's TRULY unforgivable.

I first met Andy Milligan in 1985 and told him how much I enjoyed his movies. I remember how he actually blushed when I asked for his autograph. This 1972 movie is his best . . .but I am the first to admit that is small compliment. The Mooney family has no end of problems. Pa Mooney claims to be 199 years old, daughter Monica (Hope Stansbury) is a sadist, son Malcolm is a halfwit and the whole family are werewolves! There is enough plot here for two movies! The eldest daughter in the family (Jackie Skarvellis) returns home from medical school with a new husband, which Pa Mooney heartily disapproves of, but she is the last hope that they can overcome the ancient curse. Will she succeed? Remember, this is an Andy Milligan film we are talking about! Clearly Hope Stansbury is the best actress in the picture. A Milligan perennial, she turns up in several of his pictures. Andy always denied it but I suspect it is he playing Mr. Macawber, the one armed, disfigured shopowner who sells Ms. Stansbury the rats which serve to pad out the picture by 11 minutes (11 l-o-n-g minutes!). Notice during one scene in Mr. Macawber's shop if you look at the background you will see several cardboard boxes labeled "Hires Root Beer". A great movie? No. A fun movie? Yes, definitely. I miss you Andy.