Roller Blade (1986)

In the post-apocalyptic future, sadistic thugs run amok and a monstrous masked villain named Saticoy and his evil henchmen are responsible for all kinds of mayhem on their quest to find a magical amulet that will give them total control. Our saviors come in the form a slew of spiritual, scantily-clad young ladies who worship a "Have a Nice Day" happy face (!?) and skate around dusty desert locales righting wrongs as they try to beat the bad guy to his target. Suzanne Solari leads the pack as Sister Sharon Cross, a noble and courageous young woman, frequently seen in a thong, who takes orders from the mystical Mother Speed (Katina Garner). B movie queen Michelle Bauer, along with adult film actresses Susannah Britton (billed under real name) and Crystal Breeze (billed as "Lisa Marie") provide plenty of full nudity as "Bod Sisters." They skate around in skimpy rags (if anything at all), fight bad guys while topless and regenerate bodily damage by stripping down and hopping into a Fountain of Youth-like hot tub. Add to the mix ludicrous pseudo-philosophical dialogue, some of the cheapest production values known to civilized man (director/scripter/producer Donald G. Jackson supposedly financed this by maxing out credit cards!), awful special effects and acting, an idiot who begins most of his sentences with "Thee" or "Thou" and a lusty hand puppet monster and you have one of the most ridiculous movies ever conceived. This thing is NUTS!! And it was followed by at least two sequels; ROLLER BLADE WARRIORS: TAKEN BY FORCE (1988; which is also pretty hilarious) and THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN (1992; which I haven't seen yet, but sure would like to). If you're a fan of "so bad it's good" type movies, seek out this title. You won't regret it.

this movie is a triumph of modern cinema.it should be shelved between fellini's "satyricon" and truffaut's "400 blows".with such enduring characters as "Mother Speed" and "Helpless Victim," you can't help but fall in love with their plights, empathize with their struggle, and finally, come to a stunning conclusion with tears of great justice shining in your eyes.and not only does it come with brilliant, multilayered characterization & pathos, but also contains astonishing and subtle hints of sociopolitical criticism: for example, the upside-down, spinning shopping cart? i can think of no better symbol to better criticize the gross materialism that humanity seems to have embraced!everyone should see this movie -- no, film.may you forever skate the paths of righteousness.

I'm a big fan of B-Movies, but even the sight of Michelle Bauer naked and the novelty of rollerblading nuns 'skating the path of righteousness' is not enough to save this film.I have now seen the first three of the five "Rollerblade" films - why oh why I ask myself!!! This is not the worst (I kid you not) Rollerblade 7 (no. 3 in the saga) is a close contender for worst movie EVER made. But it is still terrible. Set in some kind of post apocalypse mad max world these mystic rollerblading nuns who worship the acidman face are the force of order - Honor bound to defeat all chaotic minions in this case the evil Dr. Satacoy, a leather faced rocket scientist with a pervy puppet for a hand. What gets me most is the mock Shakesperian language, often with a put on French (I think) accent. Mother Speed, the wheelchair bound leader of the rollerblade order likes saying "yea verily" and thus, thee and tresspass are stuck in quite a bit. Terrible dialogue, Bad acting, poor cinamatography, laughable special effects, non-sensical plot.... Who came up with this garbage?!

I thought this movie was great! You've got nuns on rollerskates, women, punk rockers and more! If you enjoy low budget films, check this one out... it's worth it.