Slender (2016)

Have you ever wondered what an Asylum Films version of Slenderman would look like? Why? Why did you will this into reality by thinking about it? Ugh, whatever.There have been a couple of Slenderman movies over the past couple of years, and pretty much all of them are bad. I can't speak to the quality of the HBO documentary, but I don't necessarily count that one anyway.Although Slenderman is a beloved part of internet folklore, he's a copyrighted character. Somebody owns him and has exclusive rights to use the character. That means if you don't have his permission to make a Slenderman movie, you won't make a Slenderman movie. Unless of course, you avoid ever using the character's actual name or likeness, play with him just enough to make him recognizable but never actually show him, and just call him a "Slender Being" instead of his actual name.That's how this movie came to be. A zero-budget, zero-talent, zero- originality schlockfest that rips off the notability and likeness of Slenderman but stops just short of anything that can get them sued, this is a Z-movie bootleg.Even if you can forgive the movie for being a tasteless ripoff (I can forgive "Due Date" for being a blatant ripoff of "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" because it's entertaining) you'll find yourself being slowly tortured by the bad editing, endless filler, scenes that never pay off, scenes that have nothing to do with the rest of the movie, scenes of people yammering about nothing, and massive flaws that go directly against the most basic rules of filmmaking. This movie is a disaster, like bad poetry in motion.If I held this movie to normal standards, I'd have to call it one of the worst films ever made. However, I can't even count this as a real film. Generally, "indie" films are excluded from my list of the very worst (because there's so, so many bad ones) unless they can hit that sweet spot where they're coherent enough to count as a real movie, but bad enough to be garbage.This is not coherent enough to be a "real" film. This movie is a mess. This is a bootleg Slenderman film, and it isn't even a good bootleg. Avoid it like you'd avoid the real Slenderman.

"Slender" features a group of friends who decide they want to make their own documentary, after seeing a woman rant on a train about a tall man with no face they find their story. I don't know where to start on this film, i'll start with a positive and that is the acting is actually really solid. Everyone does a good job making their character believable. As far as positives go that is all I can say. The characters are ass holes with next to no likable traits. The story is a mess, it jumps all over the place from as far as 1 year in the future and as far as 5 years in the past. It makes the story confusing and sometimes causes the story to straight up go off the rails. In a scene with the lead detective on the missing kids case they tell you his partner died in a car crash then immediately show you patrol footage that straight up shows him get out of his car and get killed (off screen of course). Maybe these are the worst detectives in the world so maybe we shouldn't judge. Slender Man NEVER shows up in this movie, he is talked about and teased but he doesn't show up not even for a second of this film. Each scene feels like filler that unfortunately goes no where. Its 1 hour and 22 minutes that you could spend doing a million better things than watching this dumpster fire of a movie. I can't recommend this movie to anyone, avoid it at all costs. Maybe one day we will get a good movie based on Slender Man but this isn't that film.

I personally liked this movie a lot I, however, am also a big fan of the games and psychological thriller movies and games in general. I also like indie type movies and such so in this instance my stance is quite biased: however, this movie is better than people give it credit for. It felt and looked very realist for the most part aside from the few errors like glitches that shouldn't have happened in the beginning and it wasn't as realist as it could have been in the end but aside from that it was pretty decent. The ending was not my favorite. I will admit and this is the spoiler alert but the ending sucked compared to what they could have done, but as it was a lower budget movie it makes sense to end it the way thy did as they were likely very low on funds at that point and had to cut the movie short and deal with what they had. Still though i found this movie very enjoyable and would recommend it to anyone who wants a little bit of an adrenaline rush late at night, which just so happens to be when I watched it and when I recommend you watch it to.

This has to be a joke. I mean, who seriously thought the quality of this movie even resembles that of a real, honest-to-goodness film? There is absolutely nothing redeemable about this movie, and aside from some of the acting, it offers nothing new, unique or interesting to the Slenderman mythos, or even the found-footage sub-genre as a whole. The cast is narcissistic and unlikable (3/4th's of the film is spend "getting to know" these jerks), and once things start to get mildly interesting, it falls flat like a full and soiled diaper. Once the credits started to roll, I wondered what I was doing wasting my time on this crap. From now on, if a movie does not have at least 10 reviews, I am not even going to bother watching it. It's bad enough that these untalented people released this festival of feces onto the world, but I'll be damned if I support it with my hard earned money.To the people responsible; if you don't have the budget, the talent or the skill, just stop. You are only making yourselves look bad, and are making a mockery of the once respect craft known as film-making. Leave film-making to people who actually understand what it takes to make a compelling movie, as you have proved to lack any ability to do so. I will be looking for your names in any future film in order to avoid it like it is contagious. Simply tragic. F-