The Fantasist (1987)

It took filmmaker Robin Hardy over a dozen years to follow up his well loved cult flick "The Wicker Man". And judging by the results here, one might be inclined to think that he turned out to be a one-trick pony. Adapting the novel "Goosefoot", he spins the yarn of young Patricia Teeling (Moira Harris, a.k.a. Mrs. Gary Sinise), a simple Irish country lass who moves away from the family farm to work as a teacher in Dublin. She is aggressively romanced by American expatriate author Danny Sullivan (Timothy Bottoms, "The Last Picture Show", "The Paper Chase"). Meanwhile, a serial killer who clearly loves to hear themselves talk is phoning unfortunate young women, then murdering them."The Fantasist" is ultimately hurt by being overly silly and incredibly trite. It's set up way too obviously to create much suspense, or derive much pleasure from it. Also, Danny's attempts to be quirky and charming just come off as goofy a lot of the time. Bottoms is clearly having fun with this character, but Danny's shtick wears out its welcome early on. The story is plodding and doesn't offer much interest, but at least the distinctive Irish flavor helps to keep it watchable, along with decent work by Ms. Sinise, who's reasonably appealing. Christopher Cazenove ("Eye of the Needle", "A Knight's Tale") is pretty good as the inspector working the case, and the supporting cast (including John Kavanagh as Patricia's co-worker Robert Foxley and Mick Lally as the hearty Uncle Lar) is solid. Effective location shooting and the music by Stanislas Syrewicz further assist in making this as watchable as it is.For those interested, Ms. Sinise does do some nudity late in the film.Five out of 10.

Director Robin Hardy's reputation rests almost exclusively on his 1973 cult classic, The Wicker Man. On the evidence of this, there it should stay. Wicker fans whose curiosity has been pricked should step quickly over The Fantasist as if it were a polystyrene pebble, for it holds no weight and will do them no good.Overgrown Catholic schoolgirl Patricia Teeling (Harris) takes on a teaching post in Dublin, against the misgivings of her suburban relatives. "We don't want you picking up their city ways up there!" Her vocation coincides with a series of murders, perpetrated on young women by a nuisance caller with an especially mellifluous delivery, and who possibly supplements his income penning homilies for Hallmark greeting cards. "I'm the light in your jade green eyes where the sun bursts through and turns our stone grey city into gold. I am the melting feeling in your tummy when you hear music so sublimely beautiful you want to cry." If his poetry (which makes the average Vogon's efforts seem like TS Eliot) doesn't polish them off, the old knife-between-the-shoulder-blades trick certainly will."The man of my dreams is an imaginative rock," Patricia tells her flatmate, and soon attracts three unsuitable suitors, one of whom might be the killer. Could it be beardy weirdy English master Robert Foxley (Kavanagh)? He gargles wine loudly in restaurants. Plus, he's got a silly beard. In fact, he looks just like one of those upside-down faces in optical illusion books. And his romantic small talk consists of stuff like "I knew you'd make a good mother, Patricia." That's not good.Love interest number two is her downstairs neighbour, the nervy American writer Danny Sullivan (Bottoms). He's married, so he's not a great catch. He also does a neat line in dirty phone calls in funny voices (to his wife, he claims). Then again, his wife is shortly bound for the chop. However, this doesn't stop our Pat hiding coins down her knickers so he can divine them with his rod (no euphemism intended). "I guess I just trust him," this latter-day Little Red Riding Hood tells suitor number three, Christopher Cazenove's Inspector McMyler, who keeps blown-up photos of the victims in his cottage, and wants to photograph Pat in the nude. Casual viewers will have figured out by now that Patty isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.This is a very silly film indeed; featuring grating overacting and a grating 1980s soundtrack, all tourist board Gaelic flutes and stabbing synths. Level 42 even make a cameo appearance performing the cheesiest white-funk since... well, Level 42 really are in a class of their own.Lacking a playwright of Anthony Shaffer's stature, the dialogue's in dire need of an editor (sample line: "Death tries its best to rival procrastination as a thief of time"). The cinematography's functional at best, while scenes cutting between the slaughter of a victim and the carving of a roast merely underscore the clunkiness.Most depressingly (in Hardy's hands) the film also panders to Vatican-friendly genre cliché, with Patricia's potential fate prompted through her burgeoning sexual liberation. Contrast this with the subversive Wicker Man, in which sex is portrayed as a guilt-free, joyous affair through which the protagonist could have saved himself, if only he'd actually had it.Here, the one fleetingly erotic scene is deftly undermined by the killer merrily using Patricia's bare buttocks as a pair of bongos. What a symphony he could have produced with Willow MacGregor, the landlord's daughter in The Wicker Man!

1. If you are filming a movie in scenic Ireland, your lead should be: a).a famous American actress, b). an unknown Irish actress, c).an unknown American actress who is incapable of maintaining a convincing Irish accent.2. When your villain, "the Phone Call Killer", telephones his victims he should: a). speak in a eerie, sinister voice, b). not speak at all but only breathe heavily, c).talk like Kelsey Grammar's character "Sideshow Bob" on "The Simpsons".3. If you are making a murder mystery, you should have: a).a multitude of possible suspects, b). only two possible suspects, c).only two suspects, one of whom is such a ridiculously over-the-top red herring that he couldn't possibly turn out to be the killer.4. At the climax of the movie the villain should: a). stalk the heroine with a big knife, b). chase the heroine with a giant axe, c).use the heroine's bare ass for his own personal set of bongos.5. If you are director Robin Hardy and you have directed the cult horror classic "The Wicker Man" you should follow it up with: a).another cult horror classic, b). a lesser--but not completely embarrassing--effort, c)."The Fantasist"

The plot jumps around a bit so you really don't understand the connections between various characters, and the movie is quite illogical at times. However, there are enough freaky moments to make this worth viewing. "What the Hell?!" popped into my mind many times- in a pleasurable way. The dialogue is great as well. If you want an interesting experience, bear with this VERY odd one.