Porky's II: The Next Day (1983)

This isn't so much a sex-romp as it is a fanciful fantasy along the lines of "Alice in Wonderland" or "Peter Pan". To say this dumb movie was based on shaky foundations would be a major understatement.Premise 1: a bunch of sex-starved, braindead teens (played by adults) actually give three craps about a school production of a Shakespeare play. These 30 year-old teens invest all of their energies into saving it. Because this premise rings just as true as L. Ron Hubbard's theories about ancient aliens, it is impossible to follow the flimsy "plot" of P2 with any amount of interest. The writer of this turkey actually thought that the comedy genre allows you to break all laws of logic and common sense. Far from it: comedy only works when it is rooted in some basic, obvious truths; cut it off from reality and the gags suffer. Even so-called absurdist comedy (ZAZ films, for example) have to have some connection to the real world, otherwise they don't work i.e. can't be funny. "Meat" joins the play, as a transvestite no less, and this isn't funny for a whole number of reasons, the main one being that it is never explained why he'd agree to do something like that. At first he is adamant he won't do it, but then he inexplicably does – which isn't how comedy works. He simply shows up in drag, and we the tortured viewers are supposed to fall about in earthquakes of laughter. Well, some tards might.Premise 2: a Christian activist group actually tries to prevent the staging of a Shakespeare play on the basis that it is lewd. In the 50s. Whether this was possible even in much more puritanical 19th century America is highly questionable. The last straw that disintegrates this weak premise into invisible molecules is the group's leader, who is played by an Elmer Fudd impersonator. This means that P2 is stuck with a major problem: its appeal is essentially to 5 year-olds, but the persistent sex themes are more suitable for (younger) teens (who don't laugh at Elmer Fudd nearly as much as they used to). One of the many reasons why this comedy is such a flop. Or am I underestimating the number of teens with an IQ lower than 60? Premise 3: viewers will laugh at jokes that are essentially embarrassing to watch and listen to. A major miscalculation, as it turns out. 90% of these bargain-basement gags are awful, the other 10% merely pathetic. All the actors playing bad guys – plus "Pee-Wee" - overact their butts off, rendering the anyway very low comedic potential of this piece of garbage useless. P2 falls squarely into the bottom of the cinematic pit, into the "Police Academy 5" movie category. It's as low-brow as it gets, but without any of the (limited) appeal that low-brow comedy occasionally offers.Not to mention the renewed desperate attempts at politically-correct "social commentary". In the first movie, Jews were the focus, i.e. one Jewish character. This time it's American Indians. I suppose that could only mean one thing: "Porky's 3" (which I haven't yet seen) must be championing blacks' rights. Right? Which brings me to why there was no "Porky's 4": perhaps they ran out of minorities? Latinos and Koreans weren't nearly as interesting to the American Left during the 80s as the three above-mentioned groups/races. Or perhaps P4 never saw the light of day because the first 3 sucked so much? Something for trash-comedy historians to sink their teeth into.For MST3K fans, check out the actress playing the prostitute. It's none other than the scantily-dressed daft bimbo from the mega-classic "Space Mutiny". Her topless scenes are the only highlight in this 80s garbage.

I actually came here to this page after I cracked a joke on the internet about this being the worst sequel of all time! And I was 16 when it came out, didn't even know what a "leftist agenda" was, and I still hated the film. Seriously? A bunch of white teenagers from Florida in 1954 with left-wing political leanings? The original is awesome, awesome. Who doesn't like shower scenes, and spending the rest of your time trying to get laid, and playing practical jokes on your friends? I suppose the cemetery scene was OK, but the rest of the film is a total bore. Fortunately for Mr. Clark (and I didn't know about his untimely passing a few years ago until I read these reviews), he came back pretty strong writing Porky's Revenge.

OK, OK...we have people who could be studying for their (second) doctorate who pretend to be 16yo high-schoolers...OK. This movie basically tries to re-create the atmosphere of the first, but without the Porky/brothel element...a lost battle to start with. Honestly, the only scene that had me laughing like mad was the "fontana di voglio " dinner...overdone, yes, but gets the point across, and the final speech of the reverend with KKK men parading naked coming distant second. Plot was paper-thin in the first movie as well, but I wrote that its great plus was that "This movie still oozes some kind of (weird) charm because -let's face it- it depicts highschool years like we wanted ours to be...fun...sleaze...pranks...some minor violence for thrills, but nobody dies, gets permanently hurt or sent to jail for life.". No longer with this sequel. We get the guys busy with some theater play and a bigot reverend (in cahoots with the KKK & duplicitous politicians ) trying to stop its rehearsal because of alleged "obscenities". The whole movie is a lefty political manifesto of Greenwich village flavour, rather than a mild sexy comedy with characters such as "meat" or "pee-wee". That REAL LIFE white teenagers IN THE EARLY 1950s Florida would have behaved like lefty hippies is a far-fetched assumption; after all, the first movie saw them pulling evil pranks on one another without remorse. I wouldn't have liked my highschool years to be spent campaigning like a loon. Therefore, why would THEY care? A silly theater rehearsal only a few of them seem comfortable with to begin with, anyways? How many guys are in the KKK? Twelve? Is THAT credible?

Bob Clark's untimely death in a car crash a few days ago brings to mind his career, including "Porky's II: The Next Day". This one hilariously continues the get-laid-at-any-cost adventures of the teenage boys portrayed in the original movie. The actual plot has their school putting on a production of Shakespeare plays and getting threatened by the Ku Klux Klan, an angry clergyman, and hypocritical politicians. Of course, it's all an excuse for any crazy idea that they can dream up. I nearly laughed myself hoarse during the restaurant scene, not only at what was happening but also trying to imagine how much fun they must have had filming it! Anyway, it's just a pleasure to watch, particularly with what happens in the cemetery, and the whole end sequence. This was a sequel that equaled its original. And if you remember the "electric sex" from "A Christmas Story", check out the Shakespeare performance here! Just hilarious. To play off of what another Porky famously said: th-th-th-that'll never be all, folks! In conclusion: Bob Clark, wherever you are, we'll always remember you, if only for the "Porky's" movies.Bob Clark directed flicks as different as the "Porky's" movies, "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things" and "A Christmas Story". The things that we see in life...