The Wicker Man (2006)

The Wicker Man (2006) is another example of the absurd unimaginative creativeness in the brains of producers and directors in modern day Hollywood, as it is a nearly word for word remake of a film that was admittedly also not very good, but still not nearly as bad as this one turned out to be.This remake has several scenes that are literally an exact copy from the original The Wicker Man (1973), with the only notable differences being that the Island is now a feminist utopia in which men are made mute and serve merely as brainless servants of the 'mighty female supremacy' that seems to rule in this idiotic world. It is ofcourse an absurd ideology and an absurd situation to which you will never be able to relate. The naked women from the original have also been removed, so the only real differences between the original and the remake seem to be based on ridiculous politically correct subjects so the modern snowflake community can't get offended by it's 'sexism', as they would call it these days. A word for word remake in which only the political correctness has been added to is, ofcourse, utterly pointless, and it is no different in this case. The original was already severely lacking in its script or its depth, but the remake manages to be even worse. Nicolas Cage is a pretty mediocre actor, but there is not really any doubt that this is by far his worst performance ever seen on film. Even by Cage standards his overacting is absolutely ridiculous. He is constantly seen yelling like a madman in loads of scenes, ( Not the beeeeess!, How'd it get burned?!?!?!? ) his anger towards the latter stages seem to be initiated because the script tells him to, and not really because Cage embodies his character well in any way. Even early on, Cage Always seems to interrupt people with the most awkward and cringy of dialogue choices ( His thought of a shark being in a couple of the villagers bag ) or in the case of his interruption in the school class, weird awkward laughing at little girls who discuss a 'phallic symbol'. Ofcourse in the original this is discussed in detail in a sentence after that, but in the remake this is ofcourse removed due to political correctness.It is a mystery on paper, but its mystery is solely there because characters are constantly beating around the bush when talking to Cage, even his runaway girlfriend Willow Woodward, who is played by Kate Beahan who constantly seems to be confused and unable to understand the lines that she is spouting out, which is ofcourse not very surprising with such a terrible near word for word copy of an already mediocre script. Cage never seems to realize anything, his character has to be the dumbest detective that has ever been created for film. He is constantly easily tricked by all the women on the Island, he follows a little girl instead of leading her himself, he lets someone empty his gun without him knowing, he dives into some water entered via a kind of grate which can easily be blocked ( Which ofcourse happens ), and many more ridiculous actions.The cinematography does not have an eye or a feel for the situation of the characters in the film, and also does not try to improve immersion in any way with visual symbolisms or the sort. It also has night scenes in woods for example that are lit up like a thousand light bulbs, where it could have been a great opportunity for some minimal lighting to catch the dark tone of the movie. However, these kind of intellectual additions are non existent in this already unoriginal and bland remake.The final stages of the film consists of Cage beating up a couple of women ( I was very surprised they were allowed to film that on account of the idiotic feminist message this film makes ), including one in a bear suit, which has to be one of the greatest unintentionally funny moments ever seen on film. The women are admittedly annoying in The Wicker Man but since Cage's character is a complete idiot that comes up with the most immature and inhumane responses possible, it isn't possible to relate with him either, but since his acting is also so ridiculously bad it atleast becomes quite funny to witness Cage's most embarrassing performance.In the end the entire world displayed here is one great ridiculous feminist fantasy, a world that is solely based on ideals that should never be put into film in such a disgusting manner, as this kind of world only exists as a propaganda form. Combined with absolutely horrendous acting ( Especially Cage & his runaway girlfriend ) & terrible script this is a ridiculous affront to the world of cinema in general.

The unintentional humor was definitely beyond my expectations. Worth a watch with a good group of people that can all make fun of Nic Cage. There's almost no value to the rest of the film. But so long as you can watch ol Nicky, and make fun of his role, the overall film, and his incredibly bad acting, you're in for a good time.

The only thing that could make watching this movie tolerable would be with a little help from the guys of MST3K, it is that bad. The only thing it has in common with the original is the Wicker Man itself, the story is absurd and the acting is wooden at best. If someone had said that this movie was a parody, I could well have believed it as it was so unconvincing as its intended genre. If you want to see a great and creepy and unsettling horror movie, do yourselves a favour and watch the original version and leave this rubbish well alone.

If you saw the original, you know how pathetic this is in comparison. But even if you didn't, you would think this is putrid. I know nothing about film making, yet I could do better than this. Some may say that it's not fair to compare a remake to an original, but how can you not? Let's get the comparisons under way. The original had a soundtrack so memorable, that I still think of it decades after hearing it. The religious juxtaposition of a devout Christian virgin opposite a bunch of island pagans, made for dynamic drama. Also, there was the song of the temptress and the May Pole dance, etc. This version had none of that.But what really ruins this film is the inability to create an eerie atmosphere, and the lack of urgency in Cage, although I love him as a personality in other films. Shouting and cursing cannot convey alone, the true shock and horror a person feels in a given situation. It requires good acting. Cage is a personality, not an actor. This was the wrong role for him. You could feel the intensity and outrage of the lead actor in the original version. That's what made the film.Let's not forget the larger than life persona of Christopher Lee, Lord Summerisle in the original. Ellen Burstyn looked like she was doing this while waiting for her laundry to dry. In the original you could see that Lord Summerisle and the locals loved their culture. Beyond the sacrifice aspect, they just genuinely enjoyed being Celtic pagans. In this one they looked bored and cynical.But even without comparing the old and new, this one falls flat, and most of the fault lies with Cage's performance. Of course the whole movie hinges on the last scene. He was so awkward and struggling so hard to portray a sense of desperation, but I wasn't buying it.Back to comparisons. The song of the swaying villagers while the Wicker Man burned in the original put the icing on the cake of that masterpiece. A bunch of weirdoes chanting that something must die didn't do if for me here.