Zombie Strippers! (2008)

This movie is bad, so I won't even bother explaining why, it's obvious.I did want to say one thing though, Jenna Jameson is no stripper. I would argue this movie would have at least been entertaining in a Showgirls or Striptease kind of way, if the stripping was good. Whatever the hell was going on with her hair, she had to keep flipping it off of her face. It was distracting and made it glaringly clear that Jenna has no stripping skills. Her striptease scenes were hard to watch and it should have been the most visually pleasing part of the whole mess.I'd rather watch the Motley Crue Girls video on a loop than watch this again.

A military unit made up of some goofy guys and pretty girls is called to a research lab. There the scientists have created zombies. The unit is told some zombies are lose and they can be killed with a shot to the head or when zapped by electricity. They go after the zombies and realize that the electric gun doesn't work all that well and some are bitten. Those that are have to be executed. When one of the bitten military guys sees that, he escapes and ends up in a strip bar.We meet the strippers, the boss, the lady in charge of the strippers, the dj, the janitor, the security guard. At first we deal mostly with stripper drama- the rivalry between two strippers, the angry goth stripper, the new virginal and religious stripper who's there to make money to help her sick grandmother against her boyfriends wishes, and others. The boss is played by Englund and he's all about the money. When the military guy turned zombie bites the star stripper, business goes on as usual. Not only that, but the customers for some reason go wild over zombie strippers. She starts attacking customers, and other strippers volunteer to be turned into zombies as well. Eventually all hell breaks lose. Then at the end we learn a bit more about the research project.Zombie Strippers as one would expect is campy, silly, at times dumb, but at other times the script show signs of intelligence. There are plenty of philosophical references (Nietzsche, Blavatsky, Camus, ontology, existentialist, fatalism, optimism, and more) and also philosophical musings about life and its meaning. These aren't dumb people making a dumb movie, but smart people who saw an opportunity to inject some brains into it what would otherwise have been a braindead movie. The movie is also very political. As a horror movie, zombie strippers is actually pretty good, it doesn't have a lot of gore but when it does, it's very good. It combines both physical and CGI gore and both are good, of course physical effects are much better. The strip club is among the worst settings for a movie, few movies manage to convey the supposed titillation of strip clubs. But Zombie Strippers does actually have some pretty decent strip acts. Some of them are in zombie make up, which is a bit odd, but even under makeup and contact lenses the beauty of the women comes through. The female cast is very good- from the military girls to pretty much every stripper, they are attractive girls, unfortunately not all of them strip. A shame in the case of the lovely Whitney Anderson.Zombie Strippers would have been better had it taken itself more seriously. Too many actors are playing for it laughs here, even though their character's life is at stake. It should be possible to make a good, serious, and smart B movie, even horror movie, that doesn't feel it has to be funny or silly to find an audience.

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS! is a film that sees strippers turning into zombies. There's no more plotting to it than that, and it turns out to be an absolutely terrible Z-grade movie in every respect: bad acting, bad directing, no discernible storyline, awful effects and terrible, plasticated women.I was hoping for an energetic romp along the lines of FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, but the only thought process that seems to have gone into this film is to combine zombies and strippers. The first half of the movie is taken up with repetitive stripping scenes and the second half is made up of repetitive kill scenes.There's no middle ground, no interest or attempts at characterisation. We're treated to an acutely embarrassed Robert Englund who alternates between slumming it and hamming it, and once-upon-a-porn-star Jemma Jameson who looks far more frightening at the film's outset than she does when she turns into a zombie later on! At times the whole production seems to be an advert for breast augmentation surgery because there's absolutely nothing to it other than that. It's pitiful, truly pitiful, with painful acting and zombie effects and an inane stupidity to the script.

I saw that particularly rancid piece of gutter trash only recently and their are simply no words to describe its awfulness. I'm serious! I can go through the gambit: horrible, detestable, loathsome, revolting, abominable, inconceivable, no word exists in the English language that can accurately describe such a war crime against cinema. And I came in with no expectations. No positive ones at least. I don't know how the movie did it but it didn't even meet my exceedingly low expectations. If this movie was a food it be lutefisk with a side of brussel sprouts, if it were a real person it'd be Hitler and Stalin's love child, if it were a depth in the ocean only James Cameron would have seen it. This movie's complete polar opposite is the cure for cancer.But I digress, let me give you a description: After a crack team of soldiers kills a laboratory full of zombies, one manages to escape. He stumbles into a strip club and infects the ladies who develop an unquenchable bloodlust...and the need to strip. Realizing that his clientele have a ludicrous attraction to bloodied and decomposing body parts, the club owner (Robert Englund) decides to keep them around seemingly unaware of the problems they'll likely cause. I kid you not that's the plot.Co-starring Jenna Jameson and a hodge-podge of who cares, this movie fails on all levels. Now by this point some of you may be saying "awesome, this movie sounds like its so bad its good!" Let me be clear; there is so bad its good, so bad its bad, 12 feet of raw sewage and then this. I would not recommend this to my worst enemies and I absolutely do not recommend it to you. This is Ark of the Covenant type stuff; avoid with prejudice.http://theyservepopcorninhell.blogspot.com/