Blood Lake (2014)

In this movie, killer eels go through the plumbing, slither up Christopher Lloyd's butt, then pop out his mouth.That's horrifying on oh, so many levels that have nothing to do with this being an effective horror picture, which it is not.That the famously reclusive character actor apparently needed the dough so badly that he'd add this call-in DTV role to his Reverend Jim / Doc Brown / Uncle Fester repertoire is sad enough. That he shakes and gesticulates in every of his few scenes like he's got the delirium tremens makes me worry for his sobriety.But when the scariest thing in your horror movie is Shannen Doherty's face -- most specifically her Botox-frozen lips and cig-poisoned skin pallor -- you're gonna want to use your digital effects to make your lead actress look at least a bit less revolting than your vampire water snakes.You didn't here. Ugh. Not ugh blood-sucking eels. Ugh Shannen Doherty.Nobody dies spectacularly; none of the hot girls take their clothes off; the ending's a letdown. The Asylum, ladies and gentlemen.Netflix "Night of the Creeps" or "Slither" instead for a movie that takes awesomely better advantage of its similarly dumb premise.

Yet another creature feature from Asylum, this time we see lampreys (eel like marine creatures) running amok in a lake and killing people. A heroic wildlife expert tries to stem the invasion, while at the same time tussling with a grumpy town mayor who doesn't want to scare away tourists. You can work out what happens yourself, I'm sure.The problem with this movie is that it thinks people will be so entertained by the concept of lampreys attacking that they will overlook a LOT of bad movie making. This is a mistake. Viewers do care about logic and common sense, but there's very little of that in Blood Lake... The attack style of the lampreys is maddeningly inconsistent. When a supporting character comes across a pack of them, the lampreys attack and kill in seconds. Yet anytime one of the main cast members is in peril, the lampreys just writhe around on the floor and give the actors plenty of chances to escape. Some examples: A woman is killed by lampreys invading her indoor pool, but while she dies instantly, the two main cast members - who are also fully in the water - are unscathed. A policeman turns up to help and he falls in the pool. And then he dies instantly! Later on Shannon Doherty and her daughter are searching a house. Shannon is suddenly trapped in the shower with the cubicle door closed (why?) and dozens of lampreys swarm the bathroom. The daughter and Shannon escape unharmed. Shannon's young son is on the beach and finds a couple of bodies of strong healthy adults who have died. The kid is about 10 years old and a bit shrimpy. Lampreys attack him and of course only one of them even manages to land a hit. The wildlife expert and his assistant enter a flooded home swarming with lampreys where other people have been killed in seconds. They each suffer one single lamprey bite each. Later still, the young son is trapped in a room with a single window that is just barely too high for him to reach. Although the room is chock full or chairs, desks, tables and so on, he never tries to use anything to climb up and reach the window. Meanwhile lampreys are busting out of pipes and ducts all over the ceiling and dropping on the floor. Not one of them manages to attack him. And most laughably of all, at the movies climax, two of the main characters have a "don't be a hero" argument in the middle of a sewer, full of the entire pack of squirming lampreys, which patiently wriggle around them, without making a single leap, so that the full dialogue can be played out in comfortable time. The on screen effect is so bad, it makes it appear as though the characters are surrounded by an invisible shield!At no time does there ever seem to be a real threat to the main cast, the film makes it glaringly obvious that they are all invincible. One additional moment of "heart stopping terror" is provided by scenes with people clutching onto or falling from a slightly wobbly ladder. Another great moment is the revelation that lamprey livers will provide the solution.Watching this movie will make you as bored of spotting these examples as I am of writing them down. The acting is not good either...especially the shrimpy son and the wailing daughter. Shannon Doherty and Jason Brooks do okay in the lead roles but it's a shame to see screen legend Christopher Lloyd stooping to such lows as this. All the lamprey effects are poorly conceived CGI, and none of the wounds on any of the actors look real. Films like this are like the new b-movies of the 1950s. They seem a lot glossier now, but in reality they are still as cheap and as rushed out as "The Giant Claw" and "Plan 9 From Outer Space".

Knowing (and dreading…) the The Asylum production studios, it has to be said immediately that "Blood Lake: etc…" is a lot less rubbishy then their usual work. By no means should you expect a great movie, obviously, but at least this isn't as insultingly retarded and preposterous as for example - oh I don't know - "Sharknado" or "Mega Piranha". The main reasons why this film is more or less a success, I presume, are the original choice of animal species (so original even that Animal Planet aired the film) and the fact that it's largely an old-fashioned type of 'creature feature horror flick in terms of plot, characters and structure. Haters could of course quote this last argument to claim that "Blood Lake" is very clichéd and derivative, but I firmly believe that ALL animal attack movies are fundamentally a rip-off of the almighty "Jaws". Although filmed in sunny California, the events supposedly takes place in a little lake town in the state of Michigan. They struggle with a lamprey infestation, and after the aggressive eel-like monsters devoured all the fish in the lakes, they break through the hydraulic turbines and into the city's water reservoir. The simple plot easily allows all the familiar clichés to be present. There's the obnoxious mayor who severely underestimates the dangerous situation and absolutely wants to avoid at all costs that his town gets negatively portrayed in the media, the hero's disobedient teenage daughter who flees from her bedroom and ends up in peril and the chaotic beach attacks. It's all very enjoyable since director James Cullen Bressack assures there is sufficient action and not too much idiocy. The Asylum has the bad habit of over-sizing their monsters, but the lampreys luckily remain their natural modest size. The film stars a few familiar faces, most notably Christopher Lloyd as the outrageous mayor and Shannen Doherty as the concerned family mother. Shannen got a little chubby in the face, but hey, she's a woman over forty now and no longer the rebellious Breda from "Beverly Hills 90210".

Starring Shannen Doherty (Beverly Hills 90210), Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future) and Jason Brooks (Days of Our Lives), Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys is directed by James Cullen Bressack (Hate Crime, Pernicious) and sees the cast battle lampreys – eel-like fish with huge teeth and funnel-shaped mouths – after they slide their way into the city's sewer system and start terrorizing the residents of a small Michigan town. Brooks plays Michael, a fish and wildlife expert who moves to the town with his wife, Cate (Doherty), after being summoned by the town mayor, Akerman (Lloyd), to help deal with its attacking fish problem. River Monsters star Jeremy Wade also makes a cameo. But with these blood-suckers on the loose, the town's residents quickly learn that a casual dip in the pool or routine trip to the toilet can turn deadly as the lampreys hunt for their next victim.