Guns (1990)

I find with Andy Sidaris, that his filmography began very well indeed with a couple of B-Movie classics in Malibu Express and Hard Ticket to Hawaii and ended on a couple, Day of the Warrior and Return to Savage Beach, that were also good even if it was mainly because they both featured the monumentally sexy duo of Julie K Smith and Shae Marks. But what I have also discovered is the films Sidaris made between his first two cheesetastic classics and final two sexploitation successes were far more uneven in quality and Guns is a perfect example of this. Like several others, it relies too much on its ropey and predictable plot and less on naked girls and general daftness. This one has a narrative so by-the-numbers it's difficult to recall it not long after viewing. The action set-pieces once again mainly constitute some explosions and some guns…well I guess the title might require at least a little of the latter in fairness. But Sidaris really needs his sexy ladies to ensure a good film and here – despite featuring the very appealing Dona Speir – they are marginalised too much and…well…don't in all honesty get naked enough. So what we have left is a fairly sub-standard action flick with a small side-order of eye candy, as opposed to the other way round, which is the formula that has been proved to be far better in most other Sidaris movies. The film is also marginally notable for featuring Erik 'CHiPs' Estrada as an illegal arms dealer and Danny Trejo in a henchman role, years before he broke through to a certain level of cult fame in Hollywood.

The fifth Andy Sidaris Molokai bullets 'n babes adventure really delivers the big guns as Sidaris hired Erik Estrada to be the villain in this one. Juan Degas (Estrada) hires two hit men to get rid of Nicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez), who just happens to be the new partner of series regular Donna (Dona Speir). It all revolves around a plot to run guns from China to Central America via Hawaii and a little bit of personal history between Degas and Donna. Man, I was crying about the loss of Hope Marie Carlton in my SAVAGE BEACH (1990) review above, but Sidaris kept things flowing and this is one of the best pictures in the series since MALIBU EXPRESS (1985). He really won me over by introducing Donna's mother and even flashing back to a random killing from HARD TICKET TO HAWAII (1987) in order to give Chuck McCann (as a Government agent/magician) some back story. He also played with my emotions by killing off series regular Rocky (Lisa London) early on. Other regulars returning include Bruce Penhall as C.I.A. dude Bruce Christian and Cynthia Brimhall as nightclub singer/agent Edy Stark (she belts out two songs). Also, muscular John Brown plays his third separate character and series heavy Rodrigo Obregon has a cameo as a cross dressing cop named Large Marge (!). In addition to Estrada, you also have B-movie vet George Cheung as an arms dealer and future B-movie legend Danny Trejo as Degas' right hand man. The film's biggest shocker might be that there is absolutely ZERO nudity for the first 27 minutes.

Boy...does this director Sidaris like to blow s**t up-but he just ain't good at it. The special effects look like they were staged in a six year olds sandbox. But you get some sweet eye candy in ex-Playboy Bunnies Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez-unfortunately, both have no concept to emoting. And, without a doubt, you get (maybe) THE worst line ever uttered in a low-budget actioneer:As bombs (or whatever) are blowing up around poor Dona she grabs some kind of plastic assault rifle and hollers at her male partner "Don't just do something...stand there!" and proceeds to shoot up the horizon. How can you not love it?***** stars out of 10-mainly for the luscious Ms. Vasquez. BOING!

I'm trying to think of who this movie would appeal to....Nope, can't think of anyone.The plot was trite, the storyline, acting and directing were all quite amateurish, and the action/violence were both a little over the top. Sprinkled into all of this were a few bouts of nudity, but the eye candy was definitely not of either the quality or quantity to make up for all its deficiencies.