Savage Beach (1989)

I don't throw around the term bad movie very often, but "Savage Beach" was worse than the jump to conclusions mat, which according Samir Nagheenanajar is a horrible idea. Directed by Andy Sidaris, "Savage beach" has two plots that come together. One plot follows Donna and Taryn, two DEA agents who are asked to fly medication to Knox Island. On their way back their plane is struck by lightning and they land on a remote Hawaiian island that seems to have no inhabitants. The second story involves a representative from the Philippines who is working with the American government to retrieve gold that was stolen from his country by Japan during WWII. The two stories come together at the end when all parties arrive at the island in which Donna and Taryn initially crash landed to look for the stolen gold."Savage Beach" is a typical B list action movie filled with explosions, poor acting, and nudity. The combination of these three elements do not always guarantee a bad movie, leaving an opportunity for "so bad it's good" status, but "Savage Beach" just does not make the cut. The movie is full of sexual innuendos that pale in comparison to a good old fashioned "that's what she said" joke, and the only recognizable actor is Al Leong, or as you might now him, that Asian bad guy from every movie."Savage Beach" definitely exploits a guy's love of nude women, All principal actresses in this movie are former playboy playmates, which doesn't make them qualified for much other than taking their clothes off, and take their clothes off they do! "Savage Beach" has a scene with female nudity about every fifteen minutes, some more ridiculous than others. At one point in the film Donna and Taryn put the airplane on autopilot so they can get topless under the ruse of changing their shirts, wet from the storm on Knox Island. As the movie progressed I began thinking that Sidaris was playing an altered form of the meow game from "Super Troopers," attempting to see how many topless women he could incorporate in ninety minutes."Savage Beach" definitely exploits a guy's love of nude women, All principal actresses in this movie are former playboy playmates, which doesn't make them qualified for much other than taking their clothes off, and take their clothes off they do! "Savage Beach" has a scene with female nudity about every fifteen minutes, some more ridiculous than others. At one point in the film Donna and Taryn put the airplane on autopilot so they can get topless under the ruse of changing their shirts, wet from the storm on Knox Island. As the movie progressed I began thinking that Sidaris was playing an altered form of the meow game from "Super Troopers," attempting to see how many topless women he could incorporate in ninety minutes.I stumbled across this movie inside of the Andy Sidaris collection entitled "Girls, Guns, and G Strings." After viewing "Savage Beach" I can say that the name of the DVD collection is fitting, but it does not leave me much hope for the rest of Sidaris' work. Nudity, the main appeal of "Savage Beach," is strategically strewn throughout the movie, but it isn't enough to maintain a viewer's attention (especially a female viewer). The only part of this movie that showed any promise was a five minute deathbed confession from a Japanese soldier at its end. I recommend laughing at the drug filled pineapples shown within the first five minutes, then skipping to the end, saving yourself time and avoiding disappointment.

Savage Beach is hardly a great departure for director Andy Sidaris, yet another cheezy adventure featuring his stock-in-trade heavily armed, big breasted babes, heroic hunks and despicable bad guys; but although it's still a long way from a work of art, this is perhaps the most enjoyable out of the Sidaris films I've seen so far thanks to a story-line in which a more straightforward adventure takes precedence over the series' usual convoluted espionage nonsense.The plot sees Taryn and Donna (Hope Marie Carlton and Dona Speir), Molokai's sexiest cargo pilot/drug enforcement agents, take a break from fighting desperate, evil, power-hungry villains to deliver some desperately needed medical supplies to a remote island hospital. On their way home from the drop, the girls run into a violent storm and wind up crashing on a supposedly uninhabited island where they do some naked swimming, construct a hut out of palm leaves, encounter an aged WWII Japanese soldier (sporting the world's worst old-age make-up), and somehow still wind up fighting desperate, evil, power-hungry villains who just happen to be on the island searching for a horde of gold.In addition to endless shots of the super-buff Carlton and Speir parading around in tight white vests, oh-so-short-shorts and cowboy boots (even when engaging in bouts of unconvincing combat), Savage Beach also offers several other well-endowed babes who are equally obliging when it comes to showing us their wares, a fair few squibtastic bullet hits, some fun kung fu fight scenes, the occasional spot of nookie, plus cult actor Al Leong who, as one of the main goons, shows why he rarely gets given speaking parts.I rate this trashy nonsense a reasonable 5.5 out of 10—my highest score yet for a Sidaris film—but it's still not good enough for me to warrant rounding it up to 6. Maybe next time, Andy... maybe next time.

"Savage Beach" is probably one of Andy Sidaris' most technically accomplished films. He achieves some beautiful color contrasts and other cinematographic effects here (right from the opening scene, which has a samurai silhouetted against an orange sky). There is perhaps a bit too much exposition in the first half, but the movie really comes alive as soon as Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton set foot on the "deserted" island. They both look great in their tank tops and they are (expectedly) in tip-top physical shape. As another reviewer noted, watching them wander around the humid island and wave their guns is a pleasure in itself. And at the end, there is even a dramatic scene! Trivia note: 7 years before Pamela Anderson made the "Don't call me babe" line famous in "Barb Wire", Dona Speir had already said "Don't ever call me a bimbo again" to John Aprea in this film - and I, for one, agree with her! (**1/2)

I'm kind of on a Sidaris Marathon this evening. :)This is the archtypical B movie with gratuitous use of scantily clad, and occasionally unclad women, but it's so typical that it could be considered maybe to define the genre. It differs mostly in the actual quality of filming, and actual attractiveness of the women acting from the majority of other B's of its type.It flows very well, so that you never really start to get bored or lulled. For the most part the scenes either make sense to the plot, and move it along or add a different kind of excitement.Still, of course, only fans of typical B movies, like the kind that push the R rating a little further than mainstream tends to allow, would want to watch it. If you're into that, you'll find this film to be a bit better than average.