Dear God No! (2011)

Ultra cheap, ultra stupid, the worst bunch of "actors" you've ever seen. This disaster of a movie isn't even mildly entertaining. Even the few gore effects are lame and the topless girls are ugly. The fact that the film was made to look like a 70s biker flick gets boring very fast. Don't waste 2 hours of your life... I mean, 1 hour and 10 minutes of your life with this garbage on celluloid. Anyway, the worst thing is the "creature" at the end of the movie. It is clearly a guy in a very very cheap costume and so laughable it will make you cringe. Sadly, this is not a movie "so bad it's good". It is just awfully bad. Go watch something else!

Obviously, someone on this development team has seen "Dead Alive", the fantastic, over-the-top gorefest from early in Peter Jackson's career. There are several allusions that made me smile.Without giving too much away, everyone like Tabasco sauce but no one wants a bowl of it. And that is the problem.The bad guys really didn't suffer enough either. The movie spends 85% of the time showing us how extremely evil these biker are. The bikers even kill a victim a la The Manson Family so by the end of the movie we are all screaming for their blood. Then, the entire cast is killed off by a mutated monster. The end. Unsatisfying.Also, is it me or did the monster look exactly like Bigfoot from 'The 6 Million Dollar Man'?I did like this movie. It was a great homage. It's campy and over the top. Even though it aims to be a little tongue-in-cheek copy of 70s Grindhouse, with a little tuning this movie could have actually been a better film.I enjoyed it. But I only recommended it for Gorehounds and crazy film people. Girls will ABHOR this movie so be warned.

It was fun for a while, but now I'm getting rather tired of the fad for 'grindhouse' movies, which see directors deliberately striving to replicate the flagrant content and gritty style of 70s and 80s exploitation films. They may boast memorable titles and cool retro poster art, but they rarely prove to be any cop, their grungy affectations and knowing outrageousness being poor substitutes for real talent.The latest effort to proudly fly the 'grindhouse' flag is 'Dear God No!', a violent biker flick from writer/director James Bickert, who is so intent on achieving his desired aesthetic and meeting his quota of bad taste and debauchery (thereby ensuring marketability) that he seems to forget about trying to make a decent film.The most disagreeable aspects of the film are not the sex and violence—after all, those who willingly watch this type of film expect, nay DEMAND such excess—but rather the acting, script and direction. Performances range from the bad to the diabolical, the plot is all over the place, and Bickert's visuals display little in the way of originality (unless lingering on a stripper for so long that it actually becomes boring counts).My rating: a generous 4.5 out of 10 just for the OTT splatter and rampant sleaze—file somewhere between equally disappointing 'grindhouse' efforts 'Run! Bitch Run! and Nude Nuns With Big Guns.

Dear God No! is a perverse and fascinating distillation of subjects extracted from the best exploitation cinema of the '70s. This is what directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez attempted to do in Death Proof and Machete (respectively); however, Dear God No! is the genuine article, and the result is a gem full of bad taste and depravity made with minimum money and null influence from Hollywood.The exploitation cinema has become a popular model to modern filmmakers, not only because of its implicit nostalgia, but also because it can work as a justification of the lack of talent and low production values we can find in some independent movies. Many directors and screenwriters think that their ineptitude and mistakes could seem intentional if they decide to make a "retro" film. However, that's absolutely wrong. Films like Hobo With a Shotgun, The House of the Devil and Dear God No! prove that genuine talent is needed in order to make a good film with those characteristics, and that the "old film" filters and the period costumes aren't enough in order to get an interesting and entertaining narrative. Dear God No! possesses enough energy and dramatic conviction in order to capture us into the action and keep us on suspense, while making us laugh with its stupidity and ridiculous characters. Sounds contradictory, but it works brilliantly well for those of us who appreciate this underrated cinematographic style.On the negative side of Dear God No!, some performances from the supporting cast feel too rigid. Nevertheless, the experience of watching this film was so amusing, perverse and energetic that I can enthusiastically recommend Dear God No! to the followers of exploitation cinema who want to watch something close in spirit to gems such as Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS or Thriller: A Cruel Picture. And to the casual spectators, I have to warn that there's quite extreme and offensive material in this film, so proceed with caution. You may end up feeling disgusted...or becoming an addict to a hated and occasionally censored cinematographic stratum. I can assure you it's not an easy-to-satisfy addiction.