Rock Monster (2008)

I reserve that dishonour to the likes of Titanic II, Alien vs Predator, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, Super Tanker, 2010: Moby Dick and Quantum Apocalypse. But that is not saying Rock Monster is good, it is not, at least not to me. It gets plus points for some okay, if not great, acting, especially from the lead and Jon Polito, though David Figlioni overdoes it pretty badly, and a few moments of good-natured goofy charm. However, this is really one of those movies where the title itself tells you all you need to know. The story is incredibly basic and predictable, not much difficult from other creature movies of the SyFy channel, with some ridiculous suspend-disbelief moments, like the ending, and some of it feels rushed through. The final act completely falls apart, compared to some of the film's good nature this part feels like a completely different movie and in all honesty I lost interest. The script had a few quirks that I liked, but overall it was cheesy and all over the place, and the characters are stereotypical and not always easy to engage with. As for the effects, I have no better news, the Rock Monster/Creature of the title looks cheap and has no menace whatsoever. All in all, not one of SyFy's worst, but ridiculous and not much different from other SyFy movies of this genre. 3/10 Bethany Cox

How do I describe this movie, that so many have so eloquently and poignantly done so, preceding me, using several syllable words, that I think only deserves singles? Like "Barf.Plot is thinner than steam-on-a-window and the CGI is just bloody awful. (Anyone remember Alien where you didn't really get to see the monster? How'd it ever sell? Try the original Cat People for a real thrill...) How did this crap get made? It's right up there with other lame one in the Iraqi desert with the Chicotay begging for scraps after his gig was over in outer space, which I believe ran the night before on Space.Oh, yeah, probably my Canadian tax dollars, hard at work! Herk

Horibile movie with bad actors, horrible effects and a rubbish storyline DO NOT WATCH!!!!! I wouldn't watch it again even if i got paid. The protagonists find an old sword in a boulder, the lead then pulls it out. Upon arriving at a local village, the villagers are immediately frightened and angry at the kid . Then we learn the sword unleashed the spirit of an evil wizard from the Middle Ages who comes back in the form of a walking pile of rocks. Then there's this really creepy guy with a stereotypical Eastern European name (Dimetri or something) terrorizes the village and Jason who is half dead after being crushed under hundreds of rocks kills the large pile of rocks Absolute bullshit

The story is not predictable, because you can describe it in a short paragraph. The rest of it was simply filler - a guy trying to walk to another town after failing to do so in a car and seeing it destroying two vehicles; the rock monster being blown to the ground after hitting a car with its fist and making it explode, but not at the least bit affected by a grenade; the monster throwing trees and cars around at attackers, but does nothing except getting stabbed by a guy coming at it with a sword. that sort of thing.I don't want to call anyone names, but I think the only people that calls this movie good is either involved in the production, or, well, let's not go there.