Zero Patience (1994)

The ghost of Zero - "patient zero", who allegedly first brought AIDS to Canada - materializes and tries to contact old friends. Meanwhile, the Victorian explorer Sir Richard Burton, who drank from the Fountain of Youth and now works as Chief Taxidermist at the Toronto Natural History Museum, is trying to organize an AIDS exhibition.The mainstream Austin Chronicle cited a "murky plot, frequently weak acting and often mediocre music" while still praising the film's "spunk, humor, enthusiasm and wit." This is pretty much it. The film itself is not very good, though you can see it was striving for something bigger and better. Then again, by having your lead be a time-displaced scientist, how seriously can we take it? The Washington Post compared Zero Patience unfavorably to Hollywood's big-budget, big-star AIDS-themed film, Philadelphia, claiming that the latter's protagonist, Andrew Beckett, "looked sick, dealt with his illness and allowed the audience to sympathize," unlike the "healthy hoofers" of the musical who, because they didn't look sick enough, seem "to deny some of the grim realities" of the disease. Now, I don't know that the two films can be compared, but I do agree that the film seemed to promote sexuality without accepting any of the negative aspects... dispelling the "patient zero" myth is a good thing, but it doesn't mean we can go back to our bad habits!

'Zero Patience' is a low-budget musical about the Aids crisis that actually treats the subject intelligently yet manages to be fun, light-hearted and optimistic. The film is targeted for an audience of gay males (or, at least, people who enjoy watching male nudity) but I liked it anyway.The title is a wordplay on Patient Zero -- the gay man who allegedly brought Aids to North America -- and the fact that people hoping for an Aids cure are tired of waiting: they've got zero patience. Near the climax of the film, Sir Richard Burton performs the title song with his friends: "What's the time?" "Zero Hour." "How much patience?" "None." Earlier, another song (performed by the titular patient) has a chorus in French that translates as "I know, I know, I know that I don't know." This Richard Burton is not the Welsh actor but rather the 19th-century explorer and linguist, who (according to this movie) stumbled into the Fountain of Youth and is still alive. (Played by an actor who looks nothing like the historic Sir Richard Burton.) I expected this movie's dialogue to mention that the real Sir Richard had himself circumcised in adulthood so that he could pass for an Arab in order to visit Mecca.I never fault any movie for having a low budget, but I do get annoyed when low-budget filmmakers try to tell a story that really requires higher production values. In 'Zero Patience', one musical number is performed aboard an airliner in flight: but there are only four passengers and one stewardess (Dianne Heatherington), so the nearly-empty cabin -- a set that would have impressed me in its own right -- looks ridiculous. Ironically, if they'd filled the set with more actors, they could have got away with a cheaper set.Similarly, at this film's climax, Burton and his friends attempt a civil disobedience ... but the action really cries for a crowd of rebels, not the handful shown here.I was also annoyed that this movie is so deeply in Political Correctness territory. We're not supposed to use the phrase 'Aids cases' because it's demeaning. We can't say 'Aids victims' or 'Aids patients' because that's judgmental. For a while, the accepted phrase was 'people with Aids' (PWA) but even that became taboo. Now we're required to say 'persons living with Aids', abbreviated as PLWA. During the airliner sequence, Heatherington identifies her employer as 'PLWA Airlines'. If she had said 'PWA Airlines', this would have been a clever and funny pun on TWA, a real airline. But she had to weaken the pun for the sake of political correctness, changing it to PLWA. This is the same sort of stupidity that makes me look a racist if I say 'coloured people' but I get credit for being enlightened if I say 'people of colour'.The cast of 'Zero Patience' -- some of them quite talented, others less so -- seem a bit too impressed with their own alleged audacity. Still, it took some guts to tackle this particular subject in this particular way. My rating: 4 out of 10, and here's hoping that 'Zero Patience' will become a period piece when Aids is curable.

The most extraordinary thing about this film to me is that during a Gay Pride day in Toronto, I met some people that I knew and mentioned to them that I had seen them in Zero Patience. I then began to sing the praises of this film, and a moment later, they introduced me to the friend who was with them. His name was John Greyson, and he was the director of the film I had just raved on about! Well, he certainly knew I wasn't just being polite! :0) I gave this film an 8 out of ten, first of all because of the fact that anyone who can make a musical comedy about AIDS right in the middle of the epidemic and pull it off has got balls. Secondly, he did it with an outrageous satire that spares no-one, from the devious doctors to the exploitative politicians, and even takes on Act Up members with aplomb. Some people have said bad things about the musical numbers; I found them to be full of surprise, inventiveness, humour and camp - not to mention a touch of whimsy and pathos. This film has so much packed into it that it almost defies definition. But all in all it works. Finally, although the tone is continually exaggerated, the actor playing Patient Zero managed to flesh out his character to the point where we could relate to a "real" person. And boy, is he sexy! So, I ask you, what is there not to like?

Why should you sit down and watch a Canadian gay AIDS musical eh?Well firstly dismiss all pre-conceptions - yes that does include the Canadian ones! Don't sit down expecting to see something with a grave tone and serious approach - you'll be disappointed. What you will see is a touching and at times both romantic and funny piece of cinema. If you're into obscure classics then this may be the ultimate! There is a serious message at the core of course but the flashy sets and music see to it that it's not just an extended eductional film (though it probably should be)......The first time I saw this it was by accident.... I was sat there in the middle of the night, nothing much to watch, and suddenly this amazing *thing* happened and I was sat glued to Zero Patience. I thought it was interesting, but was utterly bemused by the songs - at that point I had not really understood the lyrics, was not well educated enough about AIDS to get the subtleties and seemed to be watching a lot of gay programming without knowing why I was... I have now discovered that it was all a matter of vested interest! Anyway...You do not need to be gay or be HIV+ to "get" this film. In fact awareness is such amongst the gay and +ve community that I daresay the BEST audience this may have is straight people - even if some of the - and I use the phrase loosely - "plot" does alienate them a little. The irreverence may alienate anyone, but it's been produced for the most reverent reasons so don't judge too soonYou won't appreciatte this film the first time I promise you. It will leave your head full of obscure images though; if all you can remember of a mad musical is drag queen viruses, talking assholes and a 150 year old scientist hiding out in a Canadian museum (!) then this is the movie you've seen!And doesn't that description make you want to see it? Come on! You must be intrigued at least...Watch it once for interest. Watch it a second time to enjoy (you are allowed to enjoy political films about devastating epidemics.). Watch it a third time to revel in the romance and get angry with the authorities. JUST WATCH IT!And if you've just seen it PLEASE add your comments to this small collection - disagree with all I've just said if you want but don't sit silent nodding and shaking your head - do something proactive!