Amityville Death House (2015)

Despite watching wall to wall dreadful Amityville films for some reason I had higher hopes for this one. I thought the cover art was fantastic, almost a homage to old B movies and I wanted to see what was going on with this big boobed spider woman! Alas I was foolish in my expectations and yet again this blatant cash grab failed to deliver on every front. And the spider woman? Well there is one, barely.....but that isn't her on the cover.With yet another baffling storyline, clear budget limitations and awful cast this can be put on the shelf right alongside all the other embarrassing Amityville efforts.The Good: Interesting covert art The Bad: Cover art is a lie Shoddy camera work Eric Roberts is just terrible here Awful deaths Effects are just pitiful Mysterious whispers have never worked Why cast Eric Roberts if you aren't even going to show his face? Things I Learnt From This Movie: Witch Cakes made of urine, Demi Moores next business venture?Witches are part cow and thus have udders

On the whole, this is a decently written screenplay limited by budget. It would be a better film if the actors were more capable (less awkward, more professional) save Eric Roberts who was the only bright spot in the whole dismal affair.I'm giving it 4-stars. I was going to give it three but Eric Roberts did a great job with what he was handed.

The Amityville Horror keeps itself alive now with these cheap direct to video sequels by now that bare little resemblance to the novel and movie of the first film. Besides the somewhat familiar looking house it has no link to any other films in the series changing the lore to have a young girl named Tiffany checking on her grandmother and finding it possessed by a witch's spirit after the descendants that killed her.While the opening was promising the execution was a mess from the wooden delayed reactions from the actors to the contrived and jumble mess with the script. The sheriff runs over a ghost only to leave his vehicle searching for bodies and the way her friends die isn't the same in the finale.The effects were cheap cgi made by hacks who couldn't cut it in film school and the sets are as phony as a high school play. Don't get me started on the shot camera work that looks like it was recorded on a cell phone or how unfocused it looked when zooming in on a closeup. While I thought the witch had promise in her spider outfit it wasn't scary nor suspenseful once they read from the book of the dead. The music is like a retro guitar rift from the 70s. Mark Polonia has only two projects under his name and he may want to consider another career choice. This was a nonessential and a waste of time.

Being an Amityville fan I am often nightly offended when newbies make a 'movie' and try to cash in by using such a well known title such as Amityville. But I am still curios to see how they are made and if they have any connection whatsoever. Well. Here we have a group of friends on their way to Amityville which seems to have relocated from New York to Canada. They are led by a girl on her way to visit her grandmother and when they arrive they find a book of the dead. And then you can guess the rest.This is not a found footage film but you wouldn't think so straight away as it appears to have been filled on a mobile phone. The camera work is truly appalling. The acting from the 'actors' is so wooden I found myself tensing up as they spoke their dialogue, half expecting them to make a mistake. The makeup is... Mashed potato. I think. Sound editing was allover the place. Often the sound effects and over use of static noise would be so distracting you forget to try and concentrate on what's actually going on. Directing was abysmal. Director tells a guy to laugh at a joke thats not funny. And he let's out an over acted laugh. Director asks a young 21 year old to act as if she's a bed ridden 89 year old. And she acts 21 covered in paper mache. This film states that it's STAR is Eric Roberts. Sadly I never finished the film as I simply couldn't bear it any more. But I never saw him whatsoever. Maybe he appears at the end. But if so. Shame on him. Every thing about this 'film' is truly dreadful. However. There is one good thing to come out of it. The poster.