The Boneyard (1991)

Back in the day, during the VHS rental period, when you could walk down isle after isle, genre after genre, seeing all types of unknown flicks, you'd always happen to walk by one more than the other. Or just notice one a tad more than the others because of the ridiculous covers. The Boneyard happened to be one of these movies for me. And it took me over a decade to finally see the evil, grinning poodle movie. Well, that was my impression anyways.The Boneyard revolves around a psychic woman, a charismatic detective and his wet-behind the ears partner who team up with a morgue crew to stop some ancient supernatural evil......demons. To stop demons.The Boneyard more or less succeeds in a being a pretty good horror flick. With surprisingly good music (which you should notice right away), some over-the-top acting which makes you smile more than roll your eyes, and some very fun make-up effects. Though, The Boneyard does have problems taking itself serious during emotional scenes, and the tension builders take too long and eventually grow tiresome instead of frightening. I also would have appreciated a little more violence/gore. But no biggie it seemed they spent most of their cash on the make-up effects which were definitely cool.Another thing this movie has going for it is the hero. Or should I say, heroine. I'm actually one who is very much annoyed by all the horror flicks these days that are riddled with skinny, gorgeous women who by bullsh!t chance survive the unbelievable. In the Boneyard it's a tad different, even though our main character is a woman, she's a very overweight and average looking woman. It worked, it was unique, funny and it's something I really appreciated seeing.With The Boneyard delivering some fun running around, some cool effects and a nice score it made for a pretty enjoyable 90 minutes. Definitely give it a look if you're looking for a clear-your-mind and enjoy type horror flick. Oh, being a big fan of horror movies would suit you well.

The Boneyard is an odd, uneven mix from director and writer, James Cummins. There are elements to the script, however, that make it an interesting and almost creepy story, but poor pacing, monotonous dialog scenes, and somewhat laughable special effects get in the way.The original idea, to take a world-weary, burned-out and overweight psychic investigator, toss in a background story about child demons that spend most of their time devouring anything that moves, and mix them together in an understaffed, and soon to be closed coroner's building late one night, would seem to be a solid one, and one ripe with horrific possibilities suitable for any gore-hound or horror-head. But...by the time we get to the demonized and giganticized poodle terrorizing everyone toward the end, well, you can see where best intentions may have gone astray.The film opens with a drawn-out scene wherein our two stalwart detectives, well-played by Ed Nelson and James Eusterman, enter the psychic's house (Alley, played with little energy by Deborah Rose) looking for her help on a baffling case involving a mortician and what appear to be three dead children. After trying to convince her to help them, they leave, and later that night, she has a disturbing psychic vision involving a very putrescent little girl with lots of long, stringy blond hair-- it always amazes me how the hair never seems to be affected in these films--that wants very much to hug her and thank her for her help in a previous case. Since this promising and effective scene has nothing to do with the story per se, except to change Alley's mind about helping the detectives, it seems out of place.Back in the police station, Alley and the detectives listen to the interrogation of the mortician, and hear how the mortician's family has, for three centuries, kept the three child-sized demons he refers to as Kyonshi, from devouring living people by feeding them body parts garnered from the funeral home's attendees.The coroner's building is where the story kicks into gear with veteran performers Phyllis Diller and Norman Fell, but not before we are subjected to a confusing flashback experienced by Alley, and an interminable dialog sequence between the two detectives where nothing happens. Show me, don't tell me, and if you must tell me, at least make it interesting. Luckily, the script is included as an extra on the DVD, and reading the flashback scene explained how the family tried to resurrect their children three hundred years ago with disastrous results. But how the dialog sequence was kept in still eludes me. It reads just as boringly as it was to watch, and provided nothing to further the story along. Alley snaps back from the flashback into a a vision of the three little demons awakening downstairs in the morgue, putting the detectives and morgue attendants in imminent danger. Due to poor direction, little tension is generated as Alley hurriedly makes her way downstairs to warn them.The scene she comes upon, with dead bodies strewn everywhere, gobs of blood across the floor, and the little hellions eating away (especially one gustily attacking an open rib-cage) is suddenly gory, horrific and exciting.Yummy, don't you think? A great scene that stands out in an otherwise so-so endeavor. Its very gruesomeness is a sudden and unexpected jolt that brings us back to the story. Mayhem ensues as the survivors try to escape the onslaught. They trap and kill one little bugger, but he manages to stuff part of his skin down Poopinplatz's throat (yes, that's the name of Phyllis Diller's character). She, of course, turns into a very tall and pop-eyed puppet demon, that really needed more money and better lighting. But we admire the effort.More mayhem as they dispatch the tall, pop-eyed demon puppet. But then Floosoms, Poopinplatz's dog (yes, you read it right), licks up some deliciously bubbling yellow ichor oozing from a dispatched demon, and, of course, turns into the man-in-a-suit Floosoms' demon. One of the characters even lets out a laugh upon seeing the poodle demon, which I grant you, is a difficult subject to make horrific. Perhaps the director was anticipating the audience resistance to the concept, and had this character reflect our own disbelief.In the midst of all this carnage, once again the story stops to allow a dialog exchange between two characters that does nothing to move the story along. Instead, we hear whys and wherefores, and the action grinds to a halt as we get unneeded background information. Alley and Floosoms finally square off, and the ending contains no sequelization-antics to spoil it.

A great B-horror flick if I may add first of all. This movie stands on it's own ground as slick, original, and creepy. The acting could be a little better, and there could have been more violence but overall this movie is a sure classic.The writter/director of the movie (James Cummins) is not bad at his work. But if you purchase this movie on DVD and listen to the Audio Commentary or the Exclusive Interview you will hear James Cummins say "And um....." about a hundred times.I haven't seen any copies out there for rental but if you do see it, rent it. A great midnight movie for everyone. 7/10 stars.

When I saw the first 40 or so minutes of the Boneyard, I was delighted, because it was very scary. The little-girl zombies were frightening, and it had a great Aliens 3-like atmosphere. Unfortunately, the film really goes downhill after the half-way point, with the huge mutant poodle being the worst of it.I'd recommend the first half for some really good scares and tension, but the second half really ruined it all for me.