Nikos the Impaler (2003)

A bloodthirsty and sadistic Romanian warrior named Nikos is inadvertently brought back to life during a pish-posh art gallery opening in New York.He butchers a lot of stupid people,then the carnage spills onto the streets of New York eventually taking us to a lesbian bar,a movie theater and a video store."Nikos" is a trashy horror flick loaded with tons of gore and awful acting.The body count is very high,though.The characters are poorly developed,but certainly the film delivers the grue.Heads are chopped and squished,breasts are torn off,the guts are spilled and the body parts are cut.The gore is pretty extreme and there is a lot of familiar faces including Felissa Rose,Lloyd Kaufman and Debbie Rochon.Overall,"Nikos" is a lot better than dull "Demonium",but still I'd like to recommend it only for die-hard fans of German gore.5 out of 10.

The tag line on the DVD box says it all: "The Big Apple Gets A New Immigrant And A Very Big Problem." Oh so true. Unfortunately, that immigrant isn't the barbaric Romanian Impaler, it's the lame-ass German director. Geez. If your only interest is cheap but plentiful gore, and strippers taking showers, then director Andreas Schnaas delivers. If you want a story or acting or any of the other crafts associated with motion picture story telling, you must go elsewhere. It's easy to see why his films are also known as Violent Sh*t. His list of actors makes me think that he cast the film at a horror convention. Nothing wrong with that. Sadly, he gives few of these Grade-Z horror movie veterans anything to do. Joe Zaso, in particular, is wasted as a romantic lead.The most interesting thing about the film is the commentary track by the director. Listening to it, you come to the distinct conclusion that he felt he made a good film. Now that's hilarious.

Prepare to laugh like you've never laughed before, people. Andreas Schnaas is the new Ed Wood! He can barely line up a shot, and whoever edits for him acts like he just bought his first iMac and is trying to puzzle his way through iMovie without reading the manual or even the onscreen tutorial. This is absolutely glorious cheese, a one-movie festival of filmmaking ineptitude, with performances that wouldn't pass muster in a high school play. The gore scenes will have you rolling on the floor in such convulsions of hilarity that EMS might have to be called in to feed you oxygen. When Nikos is brought back to life and promptly hacks off the head of the grandmotherly museum curator (with a totally "plywood spray-painted silver" sword), I thought I'd wake up the whole block with my laughter. This movie is fecal beyond the dreams of proctologists, but I swear, if you want to have an MST3K movie party at your place one night, your guests won't need to get wasted or toke up to appreciate this comedy of errors!Actual worth as a film: 0/10 "Cracking up all your friends at a party" value: 10/10

My questions is-How much were people paid to give positive reviews for this piece of crap? Maybe they were sent free screener copies of film and they felt obligated to say nice things about it? I say this because I was fooled by the reviews and I went out and bought this piece of garbage. I was expecting a semi professional film at least but I was wrong! This thing is nothing more then a glorified home video and a really poor one at that.The gore was maybe the worst, most amateur looking work that I've ever seen in a film. The acting was horrid. Everything about this movie was terrible! I mean, if this is the director's best work, then I can't imagine how bad his other films had to be. How can any film be worse then this thing?!Do yourself a favor. Take my word for it, this movie is awful! Not so bad it's good or anything like that, it's just plain awful. A complete waste of time and money. AVOID IT.