The Navy vs. the Night Monsters (1966)

The officers at a south seas Navy base are terrorized by a lethal army of carnivorous prehistoric ambulatory trees with acid blood. Boy, does this entertainingly atrocious honey possess all the right wrong stuff to qualify as a prime piece of hopelessly campy'n'crummy nickel'n'dime dreck: the fumbling (mis)direction by Michael A. Hoey (who also wrote the extremely talky and drawn-out script), unconvincing cardboard stage-bound sets, a plodding pace, an overwrought bellowing full-bore orchestral score by Gordon Zahler, rusty tin-eared dialogue (choice lousy line: "That's the heartbeat of a man in mortal terror"), zero tension or momentum, pathetic (far from) special effects, poorly staged attack scenes, the corny narration, a ham-fisted fiery conclusion, competent, yet static cinematography by Stanley Cortez, several clumsy moments of ill-judged comic relief, and the pitifully unscary and unpersuasive plant monsters (they look like giant shambling rutabagas!) all give this sublimely wretched swill a certain singularly inept and hence utterly irresistible rinky-dink charm. The cast of familiar B-flick faces struggle gamely with the inane material, with admirable contributions from busty blonde bombshell Mamie Van Doren as sexy'n'sassy nurse Noral Hall, Anthony Eisley as the stern Lt. Charles Brown, Bobby Van as amiable goofball Ensign Rutherford Chandler, Bill Gray as stalwart CPO Fred Twining, Edward Faulkner as cranky meteorologist Bob Spaulding, and William Sande as the friendly Dr. Arthur Beecham. A total cruddy hoot.

The only thing that would have made this movie a lot better would have been a nude shower scene with Mamie. The real night monsters of this film are the ones under Mamie's blouse. And those really are monsters! But seriously, this movie is not half bad once you get past the idiot plot. The cast, such as it is, is worth a look-see in spite of the plot and terrible dialog. The romantic triangle subplot is a mere throwaway and the monsters look like people and midgets camouflaged and moving like the walking carpet in THE CREEPING TERROR. But this movie is a lot more entertaining than that film. For a drive in type horror movie, it's okay as they go, but almost entirely predictable and you can even play the "okay who's the next celebrity cameo who is going to get devoured by these fugitives from a greenhouse.

My following views only make sense, in the 'sense' that I'm a UK resident: Back in 1966, I took my little brother to a fleapit cinema to see a NEW movie with the come-on title THE NIGHT CRAWLERS. I was 14, he was 11 - and I was sneaking him in on a regular basis to catch up on horror movies.(That title was the UK title for NAVY VS NIGHT MONSTERS).Every time something was about to happen, the film 'jumped' to the next scene. We came away deeply dissatisfied, believing that despite the obvious deficiencies of the movie, the stuff that had obviously been 'cut' must have been really, REALLY horrible. I should add that I was already a fan of the source novel: Murray Leinster's THE MONSTER FROM EARTH'S END. Call me 'picky' - but the point of the novel is that you don't know WHAT the hell is attacking the naval crew (Big shades of HP Lovecraft's AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS).The movie poster tells you straight away- - so why bother with the mystery in the movie.35 Years later, I purchased a copy of the uncut video.So THAT'S what they cut: A crewman having an obviously false arm pulled off by a man-eating plant, and Bobby Van being pulled into a pantomine tree. (Hmmm - in retrospect, we might have really gone for that in 1966). P.S.) To a former reviewer, the pilot goes mad 'cause the plant squirts acid in his face.Geisterzug

Ick, what a dreary little slug of a film "Navy VS the Night Monsters" is. :=8P Even for 87 minutes, its over-long, boring, and about as fascinating as watching cardboard boxes mate. Mamie Van Doren("Sex Kittens Go to College", Naked Youth", "High School Confidential!"), and her two best talents, star in this wretched waste of celluloid about a bunch of stumps that terrorize a group of dull servicemen on some island somewhere. The stumps look pathetic; even the Tabonga from "From Hell It Came" seemed moore realistic. Mamie is surrounded by a bunch of no-name grade-z actors, including Anthony Eisley("The Monster", "Dracula VS Frankenstein", "The Doll Squad") and Bill Grey("Werewolves on Wheels", "The Day the Earth Stood Still", "Father Knows Best" tv series). The cheesy incidental moosic, the gaudy mid-60's color saturation, and the obvious fake sets all cowtribute to a film which is truly a punishing ordeal. Pretty bad all around, and not very fun to sit through. The MooCow says stick this stinker in the composte heap where it belongs. :=8P