Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick (1966)

"Kommissar X - Drei gelbe Katzen" or "Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick" (you can see the English-language poster here on imdb) is an Austrian/French/Italian (approximately) 90-minute movie from 1966, so this one is already over half a century old, and it is a German-language film. The age means that most of the people working on this one are gone now for good, but director Rudolf Zehetgruber, who also adapted the novel this is based on is still alive in his 90s now. This is one of many Kommissar X films with the name including a number (3) followed by a color and a species of animals and actually among the more known I'd say judging from the number of votings here on imdb. The cast includes international actors, many actually, but also Germans. And I can totally see why so many people are comparing this/these movies to Bond films that were of course already highly popular during that time. But yeah, it really is just a poor man's version. The good thins is it has color, but that's pretty much it. The characters are nothing special, the story is relatively shallow and never really gets you in the genre. And in terms of the protagonist, this film shows exactly how not to do it. Bond may be a bit vain, but he is always somewhat likable and you cheer for him. This main character here feels only arrogant in my opinion and I couldn't care less what happens / doesn't happen to him. Then the girls: They picked generically 2 of them, one dark-haired, one with blonde hair and as the main character cannto really decide between them, it is such a simple approach that no matter what you like as an audience, your choice would be one of them. But they are both extremely forgettable. Admittedly that one big hunky antagonist was an okay addition from the physical perspective, but he also brought his dose of cringe with the suicide scene and honestly he was constantly scared and running away and his big spectaculat martial arts scene near the end was such a letdown. They built him up so in a certain way and then he gets beaten up like a school kid. Embarrassing stuff really. If this film had at least failed with its own ideas, but it is just a Bond copycat with everything you could imagine going wrong and a severe lack of talent all around. You definitely wanna skip this one and judging from the quality here, I doubt I will check out another Kommissar X film in the near future. I suggest you do the same and watch som,ething else instead. Also the occasional shots at comedy were a flash in the pan at best. Oh yeah I also did not really see the Indy Jones reference some have been making, Bond at all kinds of locations is the usual too.

A muddled European spy film, recommended for those only with a high tolerance for the genre. Despite having a number of exotic locations and being an Austrian (!), Italian, Spanish and French co-production, with the typically offbeat European set design which never fails to impress, this movie is let down through some very bad editing (which makes you wonder what on earth is happening at some crucial points) and a typically contrived and confusing plot involving people who appear and disappear at will throughout the story.Okay, so this is a bad movie, but that doesn't mean its not without its good points. Things kick off with the kidnapping of a young blonde woman (aren't they always in these movies) by three thugs, who are chased by an American agent. Unfortunately he crashes his car (twice, judging by the explosions??) and is killed by a bald assassin. "This blow on his head - how was it done?" asks a curious bystander. "Karate!" answers the investigating policeman. Of course, the Americans don't take too kindly to their men being killed off like this, so in their fight against "gangsterism" they send in their best man, Captain Roland. He's better known as Brad Harris, a Euro-veteran with many films under his belt. His presence lends an agreeably tough angle to the movie. Roland is so tough that he can punch holes in solid metal blocks! Also on the scene is Walker, a top-secret spy agent who also happens to be a bit of a womaniser in his spare time. This slick playboy is played by none other than Tony Kendall, another hot Euro-property in those days. Walker's first piece of action is to battle a Chinese assassin in his hotel room, eventually throwing him in an acid bath (after watching GOLDFINGER last night, I'm struck by the similarity of a similar scene in the film's opening - you know, the "shocking" bit). After this the pacing becomes more laid back, with lots of plot and intrigue interspersed with some cool scenes of action, including a rooftop chase and a shootout train chase with a car.Events don't really pick up again until the last fifteen minutes, where all hell breaks loose, but until then the film is pretty boring, it has to be said. Rudolf Zehetgruber's direction is pretty static and obvious, with only the occasional flash of inspiration: like the scene where a striking snake cuts to a striking karate assassin! There are some imaginative scenes, like a plane full of mysterious men in black or the exceptionally eerie vista of a lake full of dead, skeletal trees, complimented by the howling wind. These are too few between to retain the interest, though.By far the best, and most fun, character in the movie is King, the bald karate assassin. This film was made in the days when karate was supposed to be mysterious and wonderful and King is hilarious as he goes around chopping people! Of course you know when he's going for the death blow because he always ties a black bandanna around his head beforehand! An excellent scene at the end of the film sees him taking on Brad Harris in a one-to-one battle in a spooky old temple surrounded by people in yellow cat masks (he also wears a yellow cape in this scene). Hilarious, mouth-dropping stuff.So, all in all, this is is routine sub-Bond spy rip-off, with some chases and fights to keep it watchable, but it never becomes good, like Margheriti's own LIGHTNING BOLT, another open rip-off produced with some style. Events play out to a jazzy soundtrack yet again and the film is leisurely paced and laid back. Peplum actor Dan Vadis also makes an appearance as the cool bald karate assassin. This film is recommended only to those of you who like real obscurities!

Being new to the Eurospy scene, there are a couple of websites that I check out for news and reviews. I was shocked when I noticed that one of the sites I really like called Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick the best of the three Kommissar X films in Retromedia's set. To me, the opposite is true. In my opinion, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill and So Darling, So Deadly are both superior to Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick. The problem – no discernible plot. I defy anyone to watch Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick and tell me just what's going on. Maybe I missed something, but to me the movie is little more than a seemingly random series of set-pieces. Sure, some of the scenes are very enjoyable (the hotel rooftop chase and the final karate showdown being two wonderful examples) and Tony Kendall and Brad Harris' on-screen chemistry is strong, but without a coherent story, I lost interest in what was going on. I think my 5/10 rating is generous.One reason I've rated Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick higher than I probably should have is the scene set in what I'll call the Haunted Swamp. It's very well done. Creepy music, twisted trees, an abandoned/crumbling old house, and a "fire-breathing monster" (very reminiscent of Dr. No) make these scenes really stand out. Very atmospheric. I just wish there had been a story to go along with the wonderful images.

"Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick" is the third movie included in the "Kommissar X" DVD collection, and the first thing that must be noted is that it has by far the worst picture quality of the three: the color especially is all wrong, and the sky & sea end up looking green instead of blue. There also appear to be some scenes missing at one or two spots, unless it was just bad editing to begin with. The film does feature some impressive stuntwork (such as a hotel rooftop chase that ends with both guys jumping from the roof to the ground below), a memorable fight between Captain Rowland and an evil karate master, and a slim and spirited leading lady (Ann Smyrner). But in between the few good scenes, the vague plot does not hold much interest, and there is a bit too much talk. Out of these 3 movies, "Kiss Kiss Kill Kill" follows the Bond formula most faithfully, and comes off as easily the best; the other two try to follow their own path more, and end up getting lost in the way. (**)