Black Dahlia (2006)

I thought it was the other Black Dahlia film and switched it off after eight minutes, like several other reviewers. Then I went back to it. I laughed my ass off the whole way through.Maybe it comes from being a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan, but I have a genuine affection for movies this bad. It has the setup of a porno movie, except it's cheap splatter film horror.The murders take place in what looks to be an abandoned jailhouse. You never catch on to the identity of the big guys in bondage masks and butcher's aprons who are speechless and stone-faced.They cut the women up, though you don't see how because they couldn't afford the special effects. Then they have rubber limbs and guts that they set out on the sidewalk as the mark of the killer.The little blonde who facilitates the murders has the most lines. She looks like a petite dominatrix from S&M fetish films, and I think she is. She lures the women in under the ruse of auditioning for a film about the Black Dahlia. She's very perky when she says stuff like, "Shut the **** up, b*tch!" While the guys are working over the poor victim with saws and drills and fake blood is spurting all over the place.There is a silly plot with the police investigating the crimes, who seem to be one irritable African-American cop like something out of "Repo Man," and some homely lady cop who might have been a bailiff on "Night Court." The guy obsessed with the Black Dahlia who gets caught up in the murderer's scheme looks like he might still be in high school. He interviews the little dominatrix and this weird old man and at the weird old man's house. The weird old man is supposed to be the last director to see the Black Dahlia alive. He ties into the climax of the film, which you surely don't want to miss.I did enjoy the interrupting still and video footage that come out of nowhere and make it like a cheap version of "Natural Born Killers." The soundtrack is a dramatic classical music affair, including a "Sanctus," by which composer I don't know, which is rather stylish as the film reaches its feverish peak. They also use Sinatra tunes when they are dismembering the bodies.This film is a lot of laughs precisely because of how bad it is, which is so bad it's good!

I mean no offense at all to smokskren, who wrote the negative review about this movie, but I have to disagree. I've always had a little obsession with cold cases (I'm a police officer in Colorado), and while this movie is lacking what other, high-budget films can bring to the table, I enjoyed it thoroughly. 'Black Dahlia' as the victim is popularly called (Elizabeth Short), killed on January 15th, 1947, most likely was a poor young woman who left this world far too early. I won't go into the details, since that won't matter to anyone who isn't truly interested in this case, but this movie produced an emotional reaction within me I never expected a movie could. Sure, this was a low-budget film, with hardly any special effects (all of the murders are quite ambiguously played out), and unique (yet awkward) cinematography. I've seen movies that have made a lot more sense to me than this one. Really, I suppose I want to ask anyone who thinks they might want to watch this film to do their best to understand as much as we know about the death of Elizabeth Short. While 90% of the characters are quite silly, the music is corny at times (thought provoking at others), the random clips of seemingly unrelated material to the case (military woman marching and saluting?!), for anyone who is truly interested in the sickening and completely wrong manner of death of a young woman (who might've had problems, but was no worse truly than you or I), this movie will truly strike you deep inside. Sorry smokskren, but I must give this movie a high ranking. Thank you to all the people who made this disgusting movie. Even in such a disgusting and horrifying manner, you have kept the story of Elizabeth Short alive in this modern era. Perhaps her murder will become as famous as those of Jack the Ripper. I certainly hope so, for if other's become as upset and emotionally impacted as I was with this movie, perhaps we can avoid a repeat of this tragedy.

Hmmm...what can I say about this despicable piece of regurgitation that hasn't already been said...Well, for starters, if they spent a dollar on the production of this so-called "movie", then they spent too much. Sitting through this movie was more excruciating than having an appendectomy sans anesthesia. The entire movie is a garbled hodgepodge of extraneous, nonsensical crap; it is blatant, utter absurdity to the highest possible degree. I've never in my entire life utilized my fast-forward button so much as I have during this "movie". In fact, the most exciting thing that happened during this incredible waste of resources is when I farted. It should really be filed under "Comedy" because it's so laughably ridiculous! (I even considered scratching up the rented DVD to spare the next poor sap from suffering the same agony, but...well, how else will they learn to be more careful about what they rent?!)

That's all this film is - Gorenography.My mate brought it up tonight and goes "Man, you gotta see this. It's not the DePalma, but it's a super-gory sick flick". Well, ten minutes in and I thought, "This is terrible...". Twenty minutes in and I thought, "Have I fallen into a worm-hole? This is the same film..." Thirty minutes in and I actually said, "I am enjoying this about as much as I would enjoy watching a close relative die of cancer."By the 45 minute mark I had had enough. The quality of film-making here was actually worse than many porn movies I have seen, and I'm not a big porn fan. In fact the movie had the exact same structure as a run-of-the-mill skin flick. Girl goes to audition - girl gets murdered - cops have banter at crime scene - dumb arty surreal scene - girl goes to audition - girl gets murdered...And so it continues. For eighty minutes.I felt so used after watching this filth that I felt the need to research it on the net, just to see what other people's opinions were about it. Don't get me wrong - I'm a seasoned gorehound, but this was just insulting. I now have a much bleaker view of the movie industry having seen it. It was guerrilla film-making at it's most abysmal level. If Ulli says he had ANY kind of filming permit for this, he is clearly lying.Avoid at ALL costs, and I feel for those who are unfortunate enough to have had the displeasure.