Beretta's Island (1994)

An Interpol agent fights drug dealers in Europe and America. Berretta's Island is probably one of the most painful action movies that you will ever see in your life. The acting is bad, the jokes aren't funny, the action is lame, the plot is predictable and the whole thing is just a mess. Franco Columbu might have been great as a Future Terminator in the Original Terminator movie back in 1984 but in here he just isn't your typical action hero every time he starts talking is funny and even funnier when he actually sings the movie gets even more stupid when you see people chase threw the streets and nobody gives a crap even to look at them, people get shot and sometimes there is no goddamn blood or they never fired a goddamn gun in their lives like ever. The best thing about the film and the only scene where i laughed Arnold Schwarzenegger plays himself in the movie and even tho the film is meh he is just good as always. Wanna hear the funnier part? they put Arnold in the poster in a horrible photoshop yeah they actually tried to promote this dumb film as a Schwarzenegger Action Flick. Franco seems to have more chemistry with his best friend than the girl he wants to sleep with that by the end of the film we actually get to see her naked because why the hell not right? Skip this movie by any means necessary it comes out as a rapist, predictable crappy action film with shaky cam scenes and even more laughable dialogue and characters i give it a 4 out of 10. 4/10.

From the first time I saw the box cover of the movie and the stretched out photography I thought this guy, this friend of the 'Scwarz' must be like 6 foot or 6ft 2in. Not 5 feet tall. Not that, it's his fault. At any rating, I turned on the movie one cool night in Tucson, out on the second story-deck with a good cigar and let it roll. At that time my wife was having an affair and things were going down hill for me, so I needed a good diversion. But, as bad as the movie was...I totally enjoyed it, with a bottle of Merlot too, I might admit. Truly, I have watched this movie many times. It always makes me feel good!! It's not that it 'tries too hard' to be cool or that 'It's so close' to hitting the mark for an action film....It's frantic. And then truly clueless. Then frantic again. It's the best of the best when it comes to a slow speed chase scene. Wow!! I never felt safer in my life. Warm and happy too. I was thankful that they conserved on the gasoline during the chase, due to less production in the summer months...anywho The direction was 'uninspired' the action and fight sequences needed to be choreographed, or re-choreographed and tightened up, the sound was off the delivery didn't hit you, it just kept on going, the other way. The 'locals' of that village that they were in, the town rather, were 'Off cue' they also did not seem to follow what was happening very well, the would look and even 'stare' into the camera lens. Like a deer in the head lights kind of thing only some of them with a smile, a smiling deer. I feel bad because 'Columbu' I just bet has a good heart and a caring spirit for people in America as well as for his own countrymen. However "Baretta's Island" is very lethargic and unbelievable. Even still I like it a lot. My now x-wife hates it, but I love it! The funny thing is, I am pretty discriminating when it comes to movies I like or even 'love'. All in all, I like Franco. So there it is. As a movie adding addendum to this if you like killing a few hours with truly fun to watch, straight to video-B movies or 'bad' movies for your little library collection then, if you can find it, check out 'The Big Sweat' (1991) with Robert Z' Dar..you know the big guy from 'TANGO & CASH'. 'The Big Sweat', a bomb of a cop story with no real plot discovery and acting that is so lame, it might as well be 'on crutches' and at the end of 'The Big Sweat' I think they ran out of money, because they had a picture of the cast and just set it on fire and let it burn during the credits. -Good fun. But all in all, not as good as Baretta's Island', I gave it a '1' and an overall rating of 'awful' for awful-good B' movie. I'm waiting for the sequel, maybe like 'Baretta's revenge on Montazuma' (Franco takes a Mexican vacation and gets sick on the water then, declares war on the water co.) or 'Baretta's powder war' where as he would stake out a large drug lord in his country and chemically gene-splice and create a hybrid super bug (insect) that would be bred and dropped into the cocaine fields and eat the coke and upon passing it through the bug, it forms a chemical reaction that turns the coke to pure powdered sugar. Then another sequel he would have to get the young people rescued from excessive sugar addiction and so on. He could get a major tooth paste company to endorse and partially fund the project with careful product placement in the feature. Right?(*)

I like when certain low budget independent motion pictures are trying harder to make a point. "Beretta's Island" certainly is one of them. Franco Columbu (Mr. World, Mr. Universe and Mr. Olympia) produced this movie and stars as an interpol agent - code name Beretta - who is forced out of retirement to avenge the cold-blooded murder of a cop. The killer's trail leads to Franco's hometown on the beautiful island of Sardinia, west of the Italian coast line. Rarely used locations adding an amazing flavor to the action and increases the value of the story and cinematography. I heard that in some circles in the USA and around the world this is considered a cult movie.

It's the worst movie I've ever seen. The action is so unclear, work of cameras is so poor, actors are so affected ... and this lamentable 5 minutes of Arnie on the screen. My advice from the bottom of my heart - don't watch it unless you like such a low class torture.