Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast Season 9

It’s the end of the series (but there will be a bonus audio podcast from the Great Yorkshire Fringe next week) and Richard is frankly astonished by the popularity of his final guest, given he has to literally check his name on a pad before introducing him, it’s Elis James. Rich makes the Welshman feel at home by talking to him in his own language before discussing the famous people who’ve come from Carmarthen and the impact of the bridge over Blue Street. They compete to discover the worst hotel in Swansea and Elis wins by a toothbrush. Also find out how James’ act has been ruined by Welsh football success, what we thought of the Ghostbusters controversy (I know that was a long time ago now) and who will have the funniest comedy hybrid child. And who is more oppressed, the Welsh or women? Or Welsh women? Plus Richard’s attempt to get involved with Elis’ next sit-com backfires spectacularly, but at least he has his awards speech all ready now.

Richard is reeling from a celebrity encounter and being outsmarted by a 3 year old heckler, but at least he has a plan to finance the rest of the RHLSTP (rhlstp). His guest is neither an estate agent, a footballer or an Elizabethan comptroller. He was in Miranda though. It’s Tom Parry. The pair discuss the lengths that you would have to go to to out-vegan a vegan, why someone from Wolverhampton shouldn’t advertise toothbrushes, another amazing kite story, the woes of the Labour party and what it’s like to work under the dictatorial heel of Robert Webb. Also if you’ve ever wondered if Tom Parry has tried sushi then you’re in for a treat. And here’s hoping Windsor Davies hasn’t succumbed to the curse of 2016 so you can still make the important choice that we’re all having to make about him. Some nice stuff about directing comedy and the insecurities, competitiveness and joys of working with other comedians and whether you ever get too old to dick around.

Tim Minchin: Rich has exciting news that will make other puppet-sex enthusiasts very jealous, but there’s no time for even a brief wank using the hand of a 100 year old ventriloquist dummy as it’s the second coming of, if not the new Jesus, certainly the new Judas, Tim Minchin. The pair bring out the best worst in each other again, alternating between inappropriate chat about wangs and fufus and serious topics like the rise of anti-intellectualism, the imminent destruction of the planet and what motivates anyone to betray a living God. Also what would you do if you had the chance to destroy a space ship where a small majority of the aliens were evil? Should dirty britcom confessions be seen as a compliment? How does David Duchovny spend his spare time on set? Has anyone interviewing Tim not attempted the obvious Groundhog Day joke? And most importantly has Tim Minchin ever tried sushi? This is the one place that will tell you.

Rich is wondering if the world will survive long enough to ever hear this podcast, so decides it doesn’t matter if he keeps it topical - His guest is the ageless comedian, author and playwright Russell Kane. Find out how UKIP manages to butter people up to not be nasty to them, how to turn criticism into a creative positive, how to meet your wife in the front row of an audience and who Stewart Lee is generally mistaken for. Is there a class prejudice directed towards this erudite and unstoppable force? What is his record like in TV quizzes? And did he ever work in the Transportation department of “Where the Wild Things Are”? Is it possible to stop a medium getting a read on you? And witness once again the amazing power of the kite question to cut to the heart of things.

Unbeknownst to Richard and his guest, a drunken audience member collapsed during last week’s podcast, and Rich wastes no time in calling the man who helped save him a sex pest. It’s just what he does. But even if an audience member dies then the show must go on (especially if it was a slightly annoying audience member), this week’s guest is the former Westlife obsessive, Sofie Hagen. Luckily we’re in a post-Brexit world now, allowing Rich freedom to let everyone know his true thoughts about Denmark and the disappointment that is the talked-up Copenhagen. They discuss what constitutes creepiness from a stranger, what’s going on with the Danish alphabet, what happens when a fan is more famous than the person they stalked and Rich gives Sofie some important lessons in badger-identification and the British Royal Family and kites lead us to some unexpected places.

Richard attempts improvisational comedy, but discovers that for this to work your observations must match other people’s experience. He is joined by a man who just won’t shut up about his obsession with German board games, Graham Linehan. They discuss Graham’s first sitcom, why it is flawed and what he learned from it, the impact of the Brexit vote (which was really quite recent when we recorded this), the only funny joke in Zoolander 2, the farce of another American attempt to make the IT Crowd and whether it was a good thing that Richard once wrote nine sitcom episodes in ten weeks. How rewarding is it to work on the least respected on all art forms anyway? See a great comic mind in action as Graham is asked what he’d like to jump into a pool of and find out what was the better film to work on Paddington or Agent Cody Banks 2.

Mean podcast Richard Herring delights in continuing to torment the people who pay his wages, but I think they largely enjoy it. Believe me the real Richard Herring is more embarrassed by his performance than you can ever imagine. His guest was another star of St Olave’s Grammar School’s production of Waiting for Godot and remembers the shock denouement that turned the theatrical establishment on its head, it’s Matthew Crosby. Find out how “Improvisation My Dear Mark Watson” actually got its name, how Matthew made a bloody reentry to a gig he’d died at, the dangers of high-fiving children you don’t know, why his wife is a celebrity in India and witness what a monster Richard becomes on the rare occasions he meets someone shorter than him. Richard is reduced to tears of laughter during a very inappropriate bit of chat and after that catharsis there is some serious light night chat about success and working with other people, before the pair wonder about buying a stunt kite.

Richard is worried that it is he who jinxed 2016, though hopefully by the time this comes out he himself will have succumbed to this cursed year. The guest is Richard’s backdoor neighbour (no literally) Nish Kumar. They discuss working with Blue in Ibiza, the kinds of things that go on on Alan Carr’s New Year Specstaculars, Bush based egging and shitting, what Nish and his girlfriend and he were in deep discussion about when Rich passed them at the Westfield the previous day, worrying post-Brexit developments and the difficulty of maintaining anger when you’re successful. Also we find out about the St Olave’s Grammar School Comedy Mafia and appearing in a groundbreaking production of Waiting For Godot (coincidentally alongside next week’s guest).

Rich is surprised by the sartorial elegance of some of his audience. Being out of Europe is clearly paying dividends His guest this week is a woman who has been on TV more consistently than possibly anyone else over the last 25 years, Susie Dent. It’s more intellectual than usual, but there’s plenty of stuff about cocks in it, so don’t worry. Find out about the rudest words in the dictionary, the cruder rival to Doctor Johnson, plus Rich attempts to get some words added to the dictionary, partly so he can cheat at Scrabble. Lots of chat about quizzing and TV gameshows as always, plus the advantages of going to bed with a lexicographer and Richard reveals a bit too much about his latest obsession with Rebecca from CBeebies. Plus news of how England did in the last 16 of the Euros! You will be the first to hear.

Last week’s jokes about the consequences of Brexit seem to have fallen on stony ground with the revelation that the pro-Remain audience has been executed by Farage’s goons, but the show must go on, even if some of the audience were foolish enough to give up their tickets to watch the football (ha!), so they missed the force of nature that is Vic Reeves. There’s a danger the whole podcast might just be a chat about Britain’s best and worst tourist attractions, but luckily things move on to Luis Bunuel, where comedy meets art, what a baboon sounds like when it ejaculates, whether Sue Lawley liked Vic and a potential return of the Big Night Out! Also Terry Scott lookalikes, ghostly orbs, eating humous and the Moir family history. Plus what it’s like to be a magnet for serial killers. And you can find out what the score of the England/Iceland game was at half time too. It was 1-2.

A weary Richard films the audience as evidence of dissent for the future fascist government of the UK, before introducing a man who comes with his own magical minor ticker tape parade, David Cross. Starstruck and clearly in disbelieving awe, Rich flounders around and mainly embarrasses himself, but luckily Mr Cross is able to come up with some amazing riffed comedy about frozen vegetables, Abraham and taking cocaine near President Obama, whilst getting a bit more serious about Donald Trump, the responsibilities of fatherhood, why Richard should probably not take hard drugs, the benefits of the middle-aged sketch show and David’s part in the creation of kickstarter. Cross put away an impressive amount of bitter during this podcast and still remains focused and coherent, but clearly needed the toilet near the end, which turns into a battle of the obstinately pedantic 1990s underrated sketch show stars.

In the face of horrible world events and future uncertainty for the UK, Richard recounts how his wife distracted him from the horror in an unexpected way, before introducing former pole-dancer and oil rig worker, Marcus Brigstocke. They discuss an impressions battle with Kevin Spacey, the full script of Love Actually, the second worst thing that Clement Freud ever did and Marcus provides a scintillating new emergency question. Find out the many reasons Marcus got expelled from schools, why he is glad he is not part of the governing class and which puppet Richard would like to violate now. More discussion about the West London phone book of 1989 and the science of a swimming pool full of custard. Plus the chance to find out what the Wales score was at half-time in the final group match of the Euros.

Doc Brown aka Ben Bailey Smith. Rich interviews a member of his audience and it’s going to well he almost decides to bump his guest, but in the end relents and brings on the battle rapper turned stand up turned actor and author, Ben Bailey Smith. It’s a frank, fascinating and unusually sensitive chat taking in growing up in North London as a geeky mixed race kid, why it’s not fair to use talent to get ahead of the other talentless stand ups, working with Ricky Gervais, how producer Ben helped keep Doc's career on track (and why hasn’t he done the same for Richard) and trying to work out why Doc Brown’s family are such a hotbed of artistic skill. Find out what you have to do to get on to CBeebies and what Doc would jump into a pool of and if he’s capable of spotting the colour purple. Once again the emergency questions copied off the internet prove more effective than Richard’s rubbish ones.

Rich has been on an after hours visit to Westminster Abbey and is now obsessed with being interred in the Cathedral, but how will he make it in? And will Tony Blair be with him? His guest is from Sunderland and thus the mortal enemy of the Middlesbrough-spawned Herring family, it’s charming and multi-talented Lauren Laverne! They chat about what it’s like to become a pop star whilst you’re still at college, roadies, how to skip PE lessons and how to spend long drives in the country’s biggest limo. Also Lauren reveals her special place in the history of Shaun of the Dead, the "10 o clock Show” and why it didn’t take off and whether she’d have sex with Robert the Robot from Justin’s House (and whether he’d have sex with her).

Richard finds a bona fide cool kid in the audience and inexpertly attempts to mock him before introducing a force of nature and veritable river of consciousness, Tony Law, in his new mutton-chopped, ice-cream eating, alcohol-shunning, heavenly body impersonating incarnation. It’s like his brain is a radio and someone is constantly swivelling the dial so that one moment you’re on history, then fantasy, then insanity and then pinpoint sane philosophy. It’s a discombobulating journey to go on, especially if, like Richard, you’re getting a bit tired, but Herring gamely attempts to get some questions in. In the end he more or less gives in, but Law is an unstoppable force of nature and cannot be silenced. Though the fear is that at any point something might happen to upset the fragile mental balance that somehow remains teetering on equilibrium and that thing might very well be Desert Island Dicks. Finally when the conversation turns to the supernatural things start to make sense.

Richard is back and has forgotten how to do this, but is excited about the possibilities of growing body parts in pigs, but worried about the implications of penis transplants, so it’s business as usual, but with some new emergency questions. His guest Iain Lee. The pair discuss the pointless 17 year grudge that has hung over them, their mutual envy and the disastrous filmed meeting in 2001, but they are united by their relative lack of success compared to their nineties contemporaries. In an attempt to fill in Iain’s early life on wikipedia they discuss the perils of going to a school named after William Herschel and how to embarrass yourself in front of Roger Daltry. Richard tries to steer the Monkees based conversation towards Metal Mickey, but Lee skilfully swerves and ends up talking about Monkey instead. There is also a frank discussion about whether the BBC were right or clearly wrong to sack Lee and the effects this had on his career and psyche.