"Mitchell"! (1975)

Maybe these flicks are wearing me down. I watched the IMDb rated 3.4 film "Gone With The West" yesterday and I didn't think it was all that bad. I follow it up today with "Mitchell", and even though practically everyone with a review here bashes it for it's insensibility, I actually got a kick out of it. Thats' not to say I didn't use the fast forward button a few times, but I'll do that anyway through most films with senseless chase scenes and slow spots that don't make a difference.Here's the thing - Joe Don Baker is like the Energizer bunny, he just keeps on ticking. Would you rather have a dull, boring cop without charisma, or a dull, boring cop without charisma but wearing all those groovy plaid sport coats? I can't remember the last time I saw one of those, but I might have had one back in the day.Anyway, there's some kind of heroin deal going on, and Mitchell's assigned to the case, more or less to keep him out of the trouble he'd get into by tailing a well connected socialite gangster (John Saxon). But he tails Saxon anyway, along with drug kingpin Cummings (Martin Balsam), who's taking HIS orders from a couple of other higher ups in the heroin chain. You can't fault Mitchell for his inventiveness, I particularly liked the 'smash the goon's hand in the car door' trick; that looked pretty painful. And if I ever see another picture that features a death by dune buggy, I'll know the inspiration was born here.Apart from Linda Evans' hooker falling for a guy like Mitchell, the way he scrapped vehicles like old pairs of socks, and the picture's goofy 'Mitchell' theme song, you know what really freaked me out? How did old Mitch know which switch in the electrical panel would have operated the front gate at the beginning of the story? Then he did it again by hitting the right one to close down the swing doors in Saxon's hallway. I open my panel about once a year when I have to shut something down, and it'll take me a few minutes just to figure out the right one.

Joe Don Baker looks like a cross between an overweight Elvis, with that snarl, and Kurt Russell playing Herb Brooks in "Miracle." This is slam bam going nowhere detective story that seems like it's about six hours long. The biggest weakness is the plot, which has people doing things that only put them in harm's way. It's as if they wanted their heads blown off. The title character is a sad, depressed mess. He makes decisions in a half second and ends up somehow avoiding his demise at every turn. I don't know how he has the wherewithal to be thought so highly of. Then there's Linda Evans, who couldn't look much better, hanging around. He doesn't offer much. I suppose he's a bad boy all the way. I think he's just dumb and she could do better. But alas. I never saw this on MSTK3. I didn't realize how much non-sci fi they did. I can certainly see why they picked it. The skateboard kid and the dune buggy battle are priceless, but the movie is hamburger. It looks like the pilot for a horrible TV show. Maybe that's what they were thinking.

There are so many things to love about Mitchell - the dune buggy duel, the air tank helicopter attack, the extremely dubious theme song and Mitchell's heated argument with a kid who mistakes him for an insurance salesman - all come readily to mind. The fact that Mitchell is currently in IMDb's bottom 100 is a disgrace. I blame the morons at MST3K and the sheep who automatically assume that every film "lucky" enough to be pilloried by them is automatically atrocious.Mitchell is a mystifying mix of humour and action, all held together by one of cinema's more unlikely heroes. If Forrest Gump gave up table tennis and joined the police force, he would turn out something like Mitchell. I'm not really sure whether Joe Don Baker is giving a sensitive portrayal of a retarded law enforcement official or if Mitchell is just an eccentric with a warped sense of humour. Whatever the case may be, there have not been too many police protagonists like him. Mitchell basically goes through life getting on everyone's nerves and destroying police property. Nothing changes when Mitchell becomes embroiled in an organised crime syndicate's plan to import heroin. Before too long our hero becomes a target but these hit men soon discover that although Mitchell might look and act like an incompetent fool, he sure knows how to kick butt.The film's plot might leave something to be desired, but this film comes into its own with its bizarre action sequences. The basic shooting action is well orchestrated and there are several exciting car chases. However, it is the almost surreal dune buggy assassination attempt and helicopter battering ram sequence that linger in my mind. These moments represent everything I love about this most unusual film - they are defiantly unorthodox, exciting and highly amusing all at once. The film's magnificent set pieces are balanced by small touches of irreverence, which I equally value. I'm talking about the hilarious Mitchell theme song that plays during a love making scene, complete with lyrics about Mitchell being a hero "like the ones on your TV screen". Then there is Mitchell cursing at the child who mistakes him for an insurance man ("I hate your mother!"), the old lady he involves in the heroin bust and Linda Evan's bizarre cameo as Mitchell's prostitute love interest. I'm really not sure what she saw in him, particularly with his habit of busting her for drug possession.Mitchell is blessed with fine, arresting might be more accurate, performances. Joe Don Baker has become something of a trash icon with his unconventional portrayal of the title character. Mr Cummings, the villain, is entertainingly portrayed by Martin Balsam. Cummings' butler, memorably played by Merlin Olsen, is sufficiently demented to score a place in the stupid villain hall of fame, while Linda Evans has one of her more enjoyable film roles as the prostitute with a soft spot for the intellectually challenged. The direction is lively and the film is well paced. The action sequences are well handled and the body count is admirably high.I'm not sure how you can watch Mitchell and not enjoy it. It's time to switch of the inane MST3K commentary and get correct. Mitchell is a non-stop entertainment machine. It's not his fault that he looks like he should be sitting on a park bench eating a box of chocolates.

Chances are......you saw the MST version. So have I, but do want to get the original. I still expect it to be cheese. But what fun cheese it is, Joe Don Baker IS Mitchell, who seems to solve crimes by accident. Nobody like him, he doesn't like anybody and yet he gets the job done. Will booze stop him? NO!! Not so bad-ass mobsters? NO!! John Saxon?? NO!! Merlin Olsen comes close but even misses the mark (send him a pick me up bouquet or something) And Greta who keeps sleeping with him despite being busted constantly. Who does like Mitchell? The MST fans themselves. If it wasn't for them this film would be nowhere to be found, rotting away in 99 cent bins at the video store until there are no videotapes left (you think that they would release this on DVD without MST?)