Miami Connection (1987)

Here's my simple and short plot summary – A group of dorky Taekwondo practitioners, who also happen to be college roommates and bandmates, find themselves doing battle with a group of motorcycle riding drug dealers, who also just happen to be expert martial artists. Miami Connection (not sure why it's called Miami Connection – most of it is set in Orlando) is a real stinker. Just look at that plot. The story is beyond ridiculous. It's actually more stupid than it sounds – singing college-going ninjas battling drug lords – yeah, right. Words fail me when trying to describe the ineptitude on display. The acting and direction are abysmal. Why am I not surprised to discover that almost no one involved with Miami Connection has any other credits on their resume? The music will annoy you long after the film ends. The song about friendship reminded me of something straight out of an ABC After School Special. It's an earworm that keeps on giving. Finally, the fight choreography is surprisingly bad. I say "surprisingly" because it's obvious that Y.K. Kim is actually a solid martial artist. Unfortunately, it doesn't translate well to the screen.So, if Miami Connection is as bad as I say, why the 5/10 rating? Well, despite the plethora of problems, this movie is still entertaining. It may be entertaining for all the wrong reasons, but it's still entertaining. I honestly laughed out loud several times. I watch movies for entertainment and I got a fair amount of entertainment out of Miami Connection. If you "enjoy" bad movies, this one should not be missed.

Miami Connection (1987): Dir: Woo-sang Park, Y.K. Kim / Cast: Y.K. Kim, Vincent Hirsch, Joseph Diamand, Maurice Smith, Angelo Janotti: Martial arts embarrassment that should bring shame to anyone practicing it. Here we have martial arts, ninjas and a rock band. The results is a band that sucks ass and ninjas that look like they just emerged from a horrible costume accident. And let's not get started about the bad dubbing. The plot basically boils down to a group of friends who form a band but while they aren't making the world's sh*ttiest music they are busy kicking the living sh*t out of morons whose job is to be laughably threatening, wear stupid clothes highlighted by earrings that draw attention, and talk in a way that leaves more reasons outside the plot to kick their asses. Y.K. Kim not only has a poorly dubbed speaking role in this garbage but he also shares blame with Woo-sang Park for directing. What they conjure up has less ambition than the average commercial selling shampoo products. This film is hailed a cult film by those that regrettably discover it. What they should do is bury it in a mine field somewhere in hopes that it meets a nasty end. This is a pointless charade of bad acting and special effects that are on par with a third grade art student. Forget Miami. The only connection that this film should be met with is the receiving blow of a baseball bat. Score: 0 / 10

What do ninjas, bikers, drug dealers, and a martial arts themed band have in common? Well, everything, according to 1987's martial arts cheese-fest "Miami Connection"! It's a movie that I expected to be bad, but in a good way and man was I right. The basic plot of the film-if you can call it that-involves a gang of motorcycle riding ninjas taking over the drug connection in Miami with the help of their allies. For some reason, one of the drug big wigs has a real problem with a cool sounding (At least if you like cheesy 80's songs!) martial arts band Dragon Sound because his sister's in the band. Determined to shut them down, the crooks go to any lengths to shut the group down, even going so far as to supply some thugs to a wild-haired lounge singer who has an ax to grind with the band for stealing his show time! Taekwondo master Y.K. Kim stars as the band's leader and sensei Mark and you can tell the man's never had a single day of acting class in his life. Still, that doesn't stop him and his fellow cast mates (some of whom were his students, others just some bikers off the streets) from giving it their all. Can Dragon sound prevail or are they destined to fall?It's obvious this isn't an Oscar worthy picture folks. But with that said, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy this masterpiece of cheese. I mean who doesn't find the idea of a martial arts themed band battling a gang of motorcycling ninjas hysterical? The one true cinematic praise a person can say of this is the quality of martial arts used throughout the film. The part where Kim and his students are practicing their craft on the college lawn is simply breathtaking due to the amount of skill and dedication they have. Plus, it's a treat to see them riding around in their white Thunderbird (At least I think it was a Thunderbird), serving justice to any street scum that comes their way, including the leader of the biker ninjas himself, who's just as much at home in his dojo as he is in a dirty biker bar (For some reason I really get a kick out of that scene). While watching the film, though, I'm not going to lie when I say I feel a bit sorry for Mr. Kim. By all accounts, he's a real nice guy and really wanted to do a good film. Well Mr. Kim, if you're reading this just know that while the film may not get any praise from critics, in terms of entertainment value it rocks. When it's all said and done, folks, "Miami Connection" is one for the ages. True, it's no "Ben-Hur", but then again, did you really expect it to be?

It doesn't take long into watching "Miami Connection" to come up with a sizeable list of various kinds of ineptness to be found in it. But I want to start off by listing a few positive things about the movie. It is well photographed and lit, including the night sequences. Plus, the themes of friendship and loyalty found in the movie are commendable. And I can't say that the movie is *boring*. But more often than not, the movie gets away from being boring by being amusingly inept. The acting is incredibly bad; it's easy to see that none of the cast is a professional actor. The fight sequences are awkward. The songs are awful, but catchy enough that you won't be able to get them out of your head. And don't let me get started on the motorcycle ninjas! Is this a classic so bad that it's good movie? In my opinion, no - it isn't *quite* that aggressive in its badness. But with modern so bad that they're good movies being nearly impossible to find these days, this is adequate enough to feed your appetite for cinematic silliness.