Strippers vs. Werewolves (2012)

At first I thought I was trapped in a badly edited version of Guy Ritchie's brilliant piece, Snatch (2000). Then I realised that the seasoned, talented cast was missing as was the fine screenplay and tight direction. (Well, Alan Ford was in both films, as Brick Top in Snatch, as Harry in this film.) The artwork for the credits looked a little too familiar, and the props, language, and atmosphere seemed recycled.Instead of the wealth of fun and wry humour of Snatch, one has a jumbled mess about a deadly feud between those who work at a strip club and a gang of criminal werewolves. The fake blood was unconvincing, the fights were ridiculously bad, and the gratuitous full frontal female nudity (first third of the film) was 12 on a scale of 1 to 10. The werewolf makeup was not well executed, and I could have done without the werewolves masturbating.On the positive side, Robert England's performance was good, but also quite short. Lysette Anthony was OK in a cameo, and there were a few laughs.Did I identify with any of the characters? No. Did I empathise with any? No. Were the few laughs worth the overall low quality of the film? No. Was the climactic battle interesting? Well, no.

Martin Kemp gets killed by the ugly one from Emmerdale who's always in lads mags, so Alan Ford 'sorts it out'.Meanwhile, the really fit one from Hollyoaks stands around cooing at a bouncer, but doesn't know that Johnny Allen from Eastenders is still mad that Martin has been killed.And Martin Compston just stands around thinking 'why?'.Its a wonderful title, and fans of soaps will recognise lots of the cast, something your mum and dad would watch because of who is in it, but alas,mother film is one big mess.The cast, aside from Bastian are dreadful, and considering that Berkoff, Ford, Compston, and even Murray are quite prolific, that's some going.Bastian saves face, but when your biggest role is in the poor soap Hollyoaks, it isn't saying much.Make up effects could be worse, and they suit the film in some strange way, but the film tries too hard. England pops up for no real reason other than to elevate the film a little, and he really looks like he knows this.Its one of those cases where the title is lot better than the film.A lot.

I won't beat around the bush. The acting is horrible, the script risible, the makeup and prosthetics are dire and probably the least said about the plot the better. With the number of ex-soap actors in it, perhaps it's not surprising that the film seems to derive much of it's inspiration and ethos from Crossroads and El Dorado. Put simply, it's bad. I guessed that from the title. What surprised me is that it manages to cross that line from 'bad' to 'so bad it's good'. I'll admit I didn't know it was supposed to be a comedy when I watched it and I wouldn't have guessed they were trying to be intentionally funny, but looking on it as a (bad) horror - it was hilarious. I nearly gave it an 8.

I truly can't believe some of the terrible reviews that this flick has garnered on this site. I thought that horror fans had more of a sense of humour. Perhaps, like a rotten corpse to a ghoul, it simply isn't to everybody's taste.I, however, found it absolutely hilarious, and great fun. Thrills, spills, gorgeous chicks in states of undress, cameos from horror and fantasy legends... i fail to see what's not to like. Seriously. Any film that manages to star Robert Englund (oh, come on, you know who he is!), Sarah Douglas (Superman II, Return of Swamp Thing, etc.), Barbara Nedeljakova (Hostel), and Lucy Pinder (Zoo and Nuts magazines. Regularly. Ask yer dad or uncle) cannot be A Bad Thing. Oh, and the lovely Ali Bastian off of the Hollyoaks, and Adele Silva from Emmerdale Farm. And they're both really good!From the opening scenes, with "Hungry Like the Wolf" ringing in my ears from the titles and a horny Martin Kemp turning into a lustful lycanthrope who is dispatched in a singularly original way (the scene caused me to wonder whether the penis or pen is mightier than the sword...), i knew i was on a ride that was going to enjoy, and happily wasn't disappointed. Hot strippers: check. Bloodthirsty werewolves: check. Needless but very hot cameo by British porn starlet Syren Sexton (trading here under her real name of Gloria Savage - which somehow seems more of a made up name) wearing nothing but a crucifix and lace gloves: check.Absolute heaven. Add to this cameos by the likes of Steven Berkoff and Lysette Anthony, and the promise of a sequel featuring werewolf strippers vs. vampires... i fail to understand why i can be the only one who's excited? Good unclean fun. More, please!