The Shrine of Ultimate Bliss (1974)

Rugged Australian cop Stoner (smoothly essayed with considerable two-fisted macho swagger by George Lazenby) goes to Hong Kong to put the fix on evil billionaire Mr. Chin (a pleasingly ruthless portrayal by Joji Takagi), who runs a drug ring that has created a powerful and addictive aphrodisiac new drug which makes women extra horny. Shrewd undercover Taiwanese officer Angela Li Shou-Hua (Angela Mao-Ying in fine fierce'n'feisty form) helps Stoner out. Director Feng Huang, who also co-wrote the wild script with Kuang Ni, relates the outrageous premise at a swift pace, maintains a blithely lurid tone throughout, and stages the plentiful rough'n'tumble fights with rip-roaring aplomb. Lazenby might not be the most adept martial artist, but what he lacks in fluidness and agility he compensates for in sheer brute force. Naturally, Angela as usual pulls off her fights with trademark beautifully balletic grace and breathtaking precision. Sultry Betty Ting Pei makes for a wickedly enticing femme fatale as Chin's main hench wench Agnes. Sammo Hung has a sizable secondary part as a chubby lackey who Lazenby beats the living snot out of. The smattering of tasty female nudity adds a nice dash of sizzling sleaze while such gnarly locations as a seedy nightclub and a dangerous back alley provide a tangy exotic flavor. Yu-tang Li's splashy widescreen cinematography gives the picture a heady psychedelic vibe thanks to all those gaudy loud colors. The funky-chillin' score by Tony Orchez and Tsao Hua Lai hits the get-down groovy spot. A really fun flick.

As a fan of bad movies (and MST3K, and a member of MFT3K), I must say I've seen my share of them. But geez! Even the worst I've seen at least had a soundtrack. As George Lazenby stiffly wanders around Hong Kong, doing who knows what, you can guarantee that you won't be distracted by any of that background music that fills todays cinema. Or any of that music that fills elevators. I don't think anyone in this film even hums.Now, this isn't entirely true -- there *is* a sound track. if you listen closely, you will hear it chime in about a half-dozen times through the course of the film. Of course, the timing will be entirely inappropriate, and it doesn't last very long, but something that could be classified as "music" does occur. Your best bet, though, is to sit your toddler armed with a wooden spoon down in front of the TV with a collection of pots and pans while you watch. The rhythm and flow would be better than anything the film offers.Keep an eye out for Sammo Hung as a minor villian in this film. Aren't we all glad he found Jackie Chan to work with?

George Lazenby shows some impressive agility as a kung-fu expert (as an actor, he still sucks!) and Angela Mao is a real fighting powerhouse, but they still can't save this incredibly choppy, incomprehensibly plotted and atrociously dubbed action film. I gave up on trying to follow the "story" early on; you should give up on even thinking about ever watching this movie. (*1/2)

...perhaps I ought say "distilled" rather than refined - this film embodies the concentrated essence of the trashy 70s action flick, a heady brew for the irony-poisoned minds of today's trash conisseur's minds (e.g. mine)."Stoner" (as it was labelled at my local rental store) opens with a shot of an urbanely smug 'Asian drug lord' kicking back in his office. The walls are all red, his desk perpetually rotates, and there's a big map on the wall covered in flashing lights. The mere shock of the decor alone sets the tone for the remainder of the movie - jerky fight scenes, needless sexploitation, and pornstar swaggering all drenched in polyester and enveloped in a funky soundtrack punctuated with some very strange moog.Needless to say, it's hilarious. George Lazenby, incidentally, proves himself pretty useless throughout the film, both in-character and out-. The real star is Angela Mao, rolling her eyes about furiously and kicking arse in the surprisingly good final fight scene. I guess George's role was played up for Western release so we'd have a strutting, obnoxious white guy to relate to.