The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington (1977)

Joey Heatherton and I are almost the same age, I clearly remember when we were both in our 20s back in the 1960s and early 1970s, and how to me she seemed the most perfect embodiment of a cute girl who could sing and dance and with a gorgeous figure. My what I would have given back then to just talk to her. But alas we traveled in completely different worlds.So now, via the magic of Netflix streaming movies, I can see her. This movie can never be mistaken for a really good movie, but taken as it is, a silly and sexy spoof of Washington hearings on sexual misconduct, it is much better than its low rating would suggest.Joey Heatherton plays the real Xaviera Hollander who quit her day job to become a high-priced call girl then madame. However the whole story is fictional and the characters are fictional. The whole idea is that she has been called before a Congressional committee that deals with censorship in TV and movies, and they want to get to the bottom of alleged sexual misconduct.George Hamilton is her lawyer, Ward Thompson, and several of the high-profile Congressmen are played by veterans Ray Walston, Jack Carter, and Phil Foster. Nothing in this movie is to be taken seriously except maybe a jab at some puritan attitudes. In the end Xaviera shows up with several call girls who had actual sessions with the various Congressmen, this throws off their hunt.Many scenes seem somewhat arbitrary, and many to expose nicely formed female breasts, overall it is a corny movie. But for me it was a nice chance to see Joey Heatherton in just about every scene. She sure was a cutie pie.

Joey Heatherton takes the place of Lynn Redgrave in using the name of the famous Xaviera Hollander as the Happy Hooker. Joey's in some serious trouble, she's being held up as an example of the moral decay in America. A Senate subcommittee consisting of David White, Ray Walston, Phil Foster, and Jack Carter is holding hearings on that issue and Heatherton is her star witness.But often one hand of the government doesn't know what the other is doing. At the same time she's being pilloried in this Senate committee, the CIA wants her to seduce an Arab sheik played by Jerry Fischer. If only handling Osama Bin-Laden was this easy. Heatherton is nothing if not a patriot though and her duty is clear.In the end the sheik and Heatherton come to a meeting of minds that solves all their problems.The film is dopey and God only knows what a whole lot of recognizable faces were doing in this thing. But it's also kind of fun. In fact it would take more than a dozen years before topics like these were discussed in the Halls of Congress. I refer to the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings.But if you're loving large female breasts, this film is for you.

Who thought the world needed a sequel to the original "Happy Hooker" film? Was the first one really that popular? Guess you had to be there. History tells us this movie was made at the tail end of the sexual revolution, ground zero in the disco era, and it shows--I can't imagine anyone being shocked by this turkey. It's also a true bridge between the first film, which was sexless TV-movie camp, and the third one, which was mindlessly dull soft-core.Xaviera Hollander, famous hooker and now magazine magnate (oh sure) gets summoned to Washington for a trial about indecency involving...well, does it really matter? I've seen this film about 20 times since I was a kid and it would play on cable and I still couldn't tell you what it's "about." The first half is best and I usually turn it off about the time Xaviera gets kidnapped by Billy Barty (don't ask). The draw of the first half makes it all worthwhile to me, it's just berserk: Rip Taylor screaming and throwing fake snow around while photographing a topless extra from "Jesus Christ Superstar." Joey Heatherton looking beautiful and probably stoned out of her gourd, trying to act sexy and free but appearing a tad confused as to what she's accomplishing by being in this film (doesn't look like it helped her career much). A host of has-been 50's and 60's TV stars with bloodshot eyes doing cameos (Ray Walston? George Hamilton??). Bad 70's costumes and set designs, strange editing/foleying choices and enough teen-age-humor sex puns to fill a blow-up sex doll. Which is not to say it isn't entertaining--it is, I still laugh at the commercial parodies and the ding-bat sexpot stenographer who has trouble spelling a certain very naughty word (by the way...DO you hyphenate it, I wonder?)But it's not sexy, just fyi. Despite a preponderance of exposed breasts, it's very like the first film, all innocent fun, the sex is at the level of a geeky teenager, which I was when I saw this, so it suited me fine. The second half is dull and disjointed; Xaviera has to seduce a stereo-typed Middle Eastern character and everything falls apart--they either ran out of money or everyone was zonked on drugs by the time they wrapped shooting. It just literally runs out of steam and simply stops at about the 90 minute mark.I will always have a fond place in my heart (or somewhere) for Xaviera and her filmed exploits and so I'm glad this dumb film exists, but if you want titillation or even good exploitation you'll have to keep looking. Oh, and the new DVD transfer is absolutely stunning--talk about polishing a...well, never-mind...

The first "Happy Hooker" movie was actually watchable. It kept your interest fairly evenly. As for this piece of trash, it was not all that interesting, and was very horribly acted. You can't even value it for the camp value, or write it off as "well it was made in 1977". Cheesy story, and as I said the acting was less than amateur. The scenes with "The Shiek" were embarrassing, and the perpetually tanned George Hamilton as Xaviera Hollander's lawyer was awful. Billy Barty as a vertically-challanged CIA agent was just wrong. Harold Sakata was billed as Harold "Odd Job" Sakata, and his character was just as the credit suggests. Joey Heatherton looked great, but that's about it. For a film with the words "Happy Hooker" in the title, one would expect to see more nudity. Minor titilation wrapped around one badly-made movie. 0 stars out of 5.