Simon Says (2007)

I thought this movie was entertaining, it had its flaws but delivers the goods. crispon glover is great at his part, i think he is an underrated actor, its good to see him on the screen( i loved Back to the future). i enjoyed the death scenes, although some were very far fetched, they were all fun to watch. could have used some more nudity, but at least we got a quick tity shot early on. i would enjoy a secon simon says. the filmmaking was alright, the river they were on is beautiful, i want to go there, maybe not with simon roaming around. my review is over, but i have to have ten lines to complete the review, so i will add that the lighting was OK, the acting was mediocre other than crispen, his acting was great. 6/10

I am not expecting any surprises here. A group of young and beautiful people, and one real drag (Kelly Vitz), go out into the woods. Now, what do you think is going to be waiting for them? Maybe there will be an interesting twist or two, especially since Simon, our slasher, has a real fascinating booby traps in th woods. The kind that really make a mess of the victims. And, boy, does he have a way with pickaxes! Simon is played by Crispin Glover (The Wizard of Gore remake). He is creepy in both roles - Simon & Stanley.Kate (Margo Harshman) makes a little mistake at the end, but it'll all work out. Simon says.

What can I say about this movie. My expectations were something along the lines of evil dead 2, as it advertised, and I was sorely disappointed. Some ingenious ways of killing our hapless campers has everything to do with a pick axe you ever wanted to know about, and I got tired of it very quickly. Maybe they had some left over from My Bloody Valentine or Trackman. Crispin Glovers usually good creepy acting seemed out of place in this, like he was trying TOO hard to be creepy. He doesn't have to try, it comes naturally, like in Wizard of Gore. There were a few admirable killing scenes,the spinning log to be sure, and some above average makeup and special effects, but just not enough to merit a rental, and definitely not a purchase. It's as if the director is working to achieve the scary horror of ED2, and Glover is on that plane half the time, but someone forgot to inform the rest of the cast. The movie appeared to be just a jumble of film clips stitched together. My hope is that you will read this and spend your money elsewhere. I'm sure some people enjoy it, but it just missed the mark for me. Also don't expect to rent this movie and see Blake Lively(Accepted) or Robyn Lively(Savannah) in any screen time, they appear at the end of the movie in sort of a cameo role after everything of importance has happened. Funny that this movie was produced Lively production. Perhaps he saw the preview and thought,"this movie sucks, maybe I can get members of my family to be in this and save it! NO, NO, NO. And for those who are wondering, at the end the twins have our heroine Kate trapped in a basement and have apparently engaged in some intercourse with her because I assume they have had children,(TWINS!). Hope this helps, but if not I don't care because you've seen the movie against my suggestion, and I've got better movies to waste two hours of my life with like (Insert movie of choice here). No evil dead, No Friday the 13th, no Nightmare, just crap. However, it is only MY opinion.

It took me some 30 minutes before I realized that I shouldn't take this movie too seriously. Not that there wasn't anything to smile about from the start. There's the usual bunch of teenage friends (the horny jock, the luscious bimbo, the preppy mona lisa, the airhead dork, etc.), it's ludicrous enough that we always take such an improbable pairing of girls and boys for granted, but they provide us with the usual wannabe funny stuff, like vulgar jokes, dumb one-liners and fooling around with each other. But when the killings began, it was as if everything turned dead-serious, probably because of the dark atmosphere and the crazy killing-mechanisms (like some mechanical contraption that propels axes through the air like a tennis ball canon) and the rather gloomy flash-backs that introduced us to the killer-twins as infants. But once we meet Simon (or IS it Simon???) and actor Crispin Glover drawls his lines in a blatant piece of over-acting, it suddenly dawned on me: it's supposed to be FUN!! Everything that follows turns out as way over-the-top: the more-than-graphic kills, the extreme gore and the rapidly mounting body-count (enhanced by some amateur soldiers that appear in the movie totally out-off-the-blue, just to get themselves immediately killed).I have to admit that I found it all very entertaining, as long as you don't use your brain and just go for the ride in this really fast and gory machine. Because, lets face it: the story was totally incomprehensible, I didn't know who the hell we dealt with (Simon or Stanley or maybe both???) and I couldn't have cared less. The teenagers were all extremely annoying (although air-headed Zack turns out to be a posthumous hero in the end) and there were numerous potholes in the script. I mean: how come this Simon (with or without his brother) is evidently for years on the loose, while killing off anyone who sticks his head into his little shop?! Wouldn't someone (the police for instance, to make a wild suggestion) by now have come to check for the countless missing persons? Anyway, there's a lot in favor of this movie too. I you like hefty gore, this is your thing, the special effects are absolutely great and I was really stunned by the wonderful photography, the brightness of the colors, even in the night-scenes, is remarkable!! The kids are mostly good looking, the jock has a great physique (and is allowed to show it), and Crispin Glover is… well, is Crispin Glover, he's not exactly my cup of tea, but he sure as hell makes a convincing weirdo! In the obligatory last scene where we learn that the story will repeat itself for ever and ever, a group of new friends come to the little shop as fresh meat for Simon, and be sure to check out this bare-chested guy, who's totally awesome. What a shame that the movie stopped right there and then!